My Girl Is a Perfectionist. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
MY GIRL IS A PERFECTIONIST
Dear Willie D:
Both my girl and I are 27 years old. We are both driven, her more so than me. She has always been a straight-A student and overachiever, whereas I have to work harder to get what I want.
I understand people who are driven are extremely focused, but that drive should end when you walk into the door at home with your significant other. If I’m eating, she has something to say about how I hold my fork. She is always trying to upgrade my clothes.
When we are around people in her industry of work, without fail she has to make a comment at some point during the night about what I said or how I said it. I’m sick of it. I want to be with her, but not like this. How do I get her to stop correcting me?
Driven by Perfection:
Your girl isn’t a perfectionist. She’s a control freak. No matter how much you change to accommodate her, it will never be enough because deep down inside, she thinks she’s better than you.
Talk to your girlfriend about her controlling attitude. Tell her to knock it off, or you’re out. Having a significant other who complements your attributes and pushes you to be better is one thing. But being with someone who views you as a project rather than a person is something totally different.
I vote that you find someone who can appreciate you as is. No sense in wasting precious time in a dead-end relationship. This will get worse before it gets better.
DATING DOWN IS HURTING MY SOCIAL LIFE
Dear Willie D:
I’m an attractive 35-year-old professional woman with my own business. I have dated men with money and access my whole life. After witnessing a friend have success, and believing that men with money presented an array of problems (self-entitlement comes to mind), I decided to give dating down a shot.
All I can say is dating down isn’t for me. The guy I’m dating never has any money, and often makes sly comments about my income as if he wants me to feel bad about being successful. I can’t take him anywhere nice without him pointing out how snobbish and fake other people in the room are, so I have resolved to leave him at home when I go out.
I don’t like not being able to have my man accompany me to functions, but I don’t like feeling guilty about having a good time and enjoying the fruits of my labor, either. Is this fixable?
When I hear the phrase “dating down," the first thing that comes to mind is, someone is settling. That’s not my idea of love, nor is it indicative of a healthy relationship because the person dating down will always feel superior, and the person dating up will always feel inferior in the relationship. Which is the case with you and your guy.
This isn’t fixable. Both of you are on a journey for love. But you’re on different planes headed in different directions.
POOR PEOPLE DISGUST ME
Dear Willie D:
Every morning I go to work, I have to step over a bum to enter my office building located in a shopping strip. My resentment is getting the best of me because even if I’m watching someone poor on television they make my skin crawl. It doesn’t matter if they’re on the news, or acting in a movie. I’m repulsed by poor and homeless people.
I know that we are all people with our individual struggles, but I don’t understand the mentality. I’m a working single mother, and I get off my butt every day to work to provide for my son. If I can do for self why can’t they?
You never know what a person had to go through to be in the position they’re in. Nobody chooses to be poor. How would you feel if someone judged you for being a single mother? See how that works?
Your anger is misplaced and appears to represent something deeper. Instead of waging a war against the poor, all that pinned-up aggression you have would be put to better use if you waged a war against poverty.
I don’t hate homeless people, and I don’t hate poor people. I hate ignorant people; you, my dear, sound very ignorant.
I’M AFRAID OF GETTING A JOB
Dear Willie D:
I'm the youngest of six children and I have never had a job. I was called back for a job about four months ago, but I told my mom I didn't get it. I lied because I was feeling a lot of anxiety about letting my mom down. I don't want to get a job and get fired.
My mom is always bragging to her friends, telling them how well my sisters and brothers are doing with their jobs. If I don't live up to her expectations, she will be ashamed of me. I have always been confident in school and sports. But for some reason, having a job stresses me out. Any tips on how to get over my fear of having a job? Thanks!
Yeah, get the job for you — not your mom.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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