My Girl Says No Sex Until Marriage. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE
Dear Willie D:
I met a young lady who is 23 years old with two kids. We have been seeing each other for about three months and I still have not rounded the bases, if you know what I mean. We were kissing one night and when I tried to take it further, she told me the next time she has sex it will be with the man she marries. I think she is full of s---. She got pregnant twice by two men who never married her, and didn't give a damn about her, or her kids. She's also been with five other men -- so she says.
Now I come along and do all the right things: treat her good, buy her nice things, and take her out, and she wants to act like Sweet Polly Purebred. I really like her a lot, but I'm not ready for marriage. At the same time I'm a man and I have needs. Should I dump her, or hang in there and see where things go from here?
Who's On First:
The last time a non-virgin celibate woman told me she was saving herself for marriage, I put it on her so good that she's probably still at home lying in bed, twisting her hair, and sucking her thumb. Instead of her bad choices in men, your girl probably thinks sex is the reason she has two kids from failed relationships. Men have hurt her in the past and rather than empowering herself to make better choices in men, she is punishing you for their mistakes.
Sometimes waiting on sex does help a woman to make better decisions. But she could also be testing you to see if you want her for more than sex. So have a candid conversation with your girl and reassure her that you'll be there for her no matter what. She already has you where she wants you, so there's really no good reason to make you wait -- unless she's getting it from somewhere else.
STRUGGLING WITH WEIGHT ISSUES
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 17-year-old girl who is 5 feet 10 inches tall and weigh 101 pounds. I struggle with my weight because I feel as though I'm supposed to be thin. I don't like how I look when I'm over 105 pounds because I look big and nasty. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I gained a lot of weight because I was depressed so I ate a lot. I was about 130 pounds -- the heaviest I have ever been in my life.
More guys started trying to talk to me, but I didn't feel attractive, and I felt like their attraction to me was all physical. My friends tell me I look good, but I don't see it. I have been diagnosed with anorexia, because I eat like an ant and sometimes not at all. But I don't want to change my eating habits to live healthier. What should I do?
Crash diets are not the smart way to lose weight. If you want to lose weight effectively, you have to do it in a healthy manner or you will only make yourself sick. You need about 2,000 calories per day to maintain your current weight at any time. You can go under that amount, but either way you need to eat, and exercise for good measure.
It saddens me whenever I come across a young woman who is viewed as attractive by everyone but herself. Your condition is called body dysmorphic disorder. It's when people are excessively concerned with their physical appearance, and see their body in a different way than it actually is. You should get some professional help as soon as possible. Then go out and order a fat ass cheese burger with everything on it.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
MY WIFE DRESSES TOO SEXY AROUND MY FRIENDS
Dear Willie D: Every Friday I have a house full of guys over to play poker and drink. Usually my wife is the only woman in the house. Every so often her sister or a female friend might stop by, but it's usually only her. Because she is the only woman amongst what typically amounts to a dozen or so men, all eyes are on her every time she passes by. It wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't dress so skimpy. She is hot, but I don't understand why she has to flaunt it. It's like she gets off to the attention because her dresses are too short, her jeans are too tight, and her cleavage is always exposed. When I tell her to cover up she gets mad, and calls me jealous and possessive. I may be a little jealous, but I'm far from being possessive. The way she dresses is embarrassing. How can I get her to see things my way?
Dear Willie D:
Every Friday I have a house full of guys over to play poker and drink. Usually my wife is the only woman in the house. Every so often her sister or a female friend might stop by, but it's usually only her. Because she is the only woman amongst what typically amounts to a dozen or so men, all eyes are on her every time she passes by.
It wouldn't be a big deal if she didn't dress so skimpy. She is hot, but I don't understand why she has to flaunt it. It's like she gets off to the attention because her dresses are too short, her jeans are too tight, and her cleavage is always exposed.
When I tell her to cover up she gets mad, and calls me jealous and possessive. I may be a little jealous, but I'm far from being possessive. The way she dresses is embarrassing. How can I get her to see things my way?
She may be dressing like that because it makes her feel sexy. Then again, she could be trying to compensate for something else. In any event just give her an ultimatum to tone it down. If she refuses to, which I suspect she will, you can become matrimonially unchallenged or prepare for a lifetime of intense pain.
Then again, you could just move the game to one of your buddies' place. It won't stop your wife from wearing inadequate clothing, but at least she won't be doing it in front of your friends.
HIS MOTHER WANTS GRANDKIDS BUT WE'RE NOT READY
Dear Willie D:
Two years ago I married the man of my dreams. Our plans were to get our degrees, obtain employment, get married, buy a house, see the world and have children, in that order. So far so good, but my mother-in-law has been pressuring us to have kids halfway through our plan.
Our goal is to not have kids until we have traveled extensively and saved up a sizeable nest egg, which is at least 15 years away. My mother-in-law has started to question my fertility and whether my husband is impotent. Because he is an only child he represents her only chance of being a grandmother.
She is really starting to get on my nerves with her prying in our personal affairs. What is the deal with mother-in-laws wanting grandchildren so badly?
Once the nest is empty, almost all mothers want to be a grandmother. But it's your life and you and your husband seem to have everything in order. Stick to your guns.
Your mother-in-law went overboard with the fertility and impotence references. If she wants a grandkid that bad, tell her to go marry a man who has one. Otherwise she needs to sit down somewhere and let you do you.
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.