MY GIRL WANTS ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST
Dear Willie D:
My girlfriend is extremely insecure. She can’t stand it when I visit my parents’ house because my ex lives directly across the street. We are childhood sweethearts, and our families are very close. She still visits my parents’ house. My new girlfriend swears we’re messing around, even though I've told her time and time again we aren’t.
She said the only way she’ll believe me is if I pass a polygraph test. I don’t mind taking the test, but if I do take it, what’s next? I feel as though she’s trying to control me. Do you think I should take the test?
You’re lying, and she’s going to bust you [laughing]. Seriously, you don’t have a girlfriend; you have a criminal investigator. Tell her you’ll take a lie detector test to prove you’re not cheating if she’ll take one to prove she’s not crazy. When it’s her time, ask her, “How long have you been a psycho?”; “How many guys have you driven insane?”; “If I marry you, will you try to cut off my wiener if I look at the cashier when she gives me change?”
Get out while you’re ahead, buddy. A healthy relationship is based on trust, and your relationship has zero.
PEOPLE TAKE MY KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS
Dear Willie D:
When I was younger, I was taught to be kind, humble and generous to others. But over the years, I’ve learned that type of behavior oftentimes doesn’t yield rewards because people, especially my friends, are always taking my kindness for weakness.
How can I be a good friend without my friends taking my kindness for weakness?
I don’t know why people take advantage of kindness instead of respecting and honoring it. People will always try you, even if you’re the strongest person in the room. But don’t let that change who you are. Be kind, but when someone challenges you, stand your ground.
There's a big difference between giving someone the shirt off your back and letting them take it.
GRANDPARENTS SPOILING MY KIDS
Dear Willie D:
I don’t know what to do about this situation I have. My parents are spoiling my kids rotten. They are both retired and don’t have anything to do, but figure out ways to buy my kids everything they want.
I think they’re trying to make up for all the things they couldn’t buy me when I was growing up. I have two sons, one seven, and one eight. Last night my eight-year-old walked in my bedroom with a brand-new iPad that his granddad bought him, even though I told my dad not to buy it because he was not behaving in school.
It seems as though everybody is on board the happy train except me. I feel like they don’t have any boundaries when they’re with their grandparents. That’s why I told them they can’t visit them the upcoming weekend. This, of course, didn’t sit well with them or their grandparents. Am I overreacting?
No, you’re not overreacting. You’re doing what you’re supposed to do — protect your kids from all enemies, both foreign and domestic. I’m not saying that your parents are members of ISIS, but their penchant for allowing your boys to disregard boundaries will someday blow up in their faces if you don’t step in and regulate their behavior.
Much of the fault lies with your parents, and your inability to enforce the rules. I don’t know any little kids who will turn down free stuff, especially if it’s cool and expensive. What irks me are teenagers fresh out of high school who walk around with smartphones and wear $200 shoes, but don’t have a job. Yet thanks to their guilty-conscience, overdoing parents, all of their financial needs are met. That’s what I have a problem with.
I’M KEEPING A SECRET FROM A GIRL I MET ONLINE
Dear Willie D:
I’ve been communicating with a girl online for several months now, and she wants to meet me in person. But I’m afraid that once she finds out one of my legs has been amputated, she will dump me like the last girl did. Whenever we Facetime, I’m usually sitting down, or standing stationary wearing long pants so she can never tell that something is wrong.
I haven’t been dishonest with her. I just don’t broadcast my condition. How do I break the news without running her off in the process?
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SHOW ME HOW
The first thing you should do if you want to pursue your online buddy is come out of denial. You are being dishonest by concealing your condition. I understand why you would do that, but I’m sure there is a woman out there who would take you as is. I’ve seen dudes with no legs or arms with fine women.
This is a big if, but if I were in your position, I would tell her over the Internet or phone rather than in person. You don’t want her to come to your house and freak out. There’s no easy way to tell her about your condition. So just say, “Hey, I have something to tell you about myself. I only have the use of one leg.” She’ll want you to explain, and that’s when you tell her.
If you feel like sharing your story with her of how you came to be an amputee, do so. It may be difficult to believe, but there’s a good chance that if she likes you as a person, you can still get her. There are still some women who consider a man’s heart to be his most important body part.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.