Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
TWO SIDES TO A FRIENDSHIP
Dear Willie D:
The other day I decided to call an old friend to catch up. From the moment she said hello she went on a diatribe about how I don't call her or come to her house anymore since I married my husband. Granted, I don't call as much and have only been to her house once in the past year, but the coin she's flipping has two sides. I told her that she didn't have to wait on my call. If she wanted to talk she could have called me first. And why do I have to be the one driving across town?
Just thinking about it has my mind going all the way back to the beginning of our friendship. I've always been the one to make the first move. Whenever we went anywhere we usually took my car and I drove. If we were shopping and she was short on cash or didn't have money, I was the one who pitched in. We have 15 years of history and she is the sweetest person, but I'm starting to think she's a user; at the least she's taking me for granted. How do I address this issue and remain friends with her?
When people claim to be your friend and the only time you get to speak to them is when you call them first or they need something, that's code for, "I don't value your friendship the way you value mine." It's also a sign of selfishness. You already addressed the issue when you told her she could have called you first and when you put her on blast about having to drive across town. Now whether she wants to remain friends or not, that's on her.
GIRLFRIEND'S BREASTS TOO SMALL
Dear Willie D:
My girlfriend is beautiful, smart and fun to be around. But if she had bigger boobs she would be perfect. I told her a few times that I think she should have her breasts augmented but she is afraid of surgery and the possible side effects.
I told her she has nothing to worry about and that I would even pay for the surgery but she won't budge. To get back at her I might not call her or answer my phone for three or four days. Then I'll finally pick up and halfheartedly kick it with her for a few days and start the cycle all over again.
I really want her to get the surgery. What can I tell her to convince her that she has nothing to be afraid of? Help a brother out, Willie!
I don't know what some men's fascination is with boobs. They don't do anything. I understand how important they are for women cosmetic-wise and if a woman wants them fondled during foreplay and intercourse because it arouses her, I get that. But implants take the sensation out of breasts so I really don't see the point in augmentation. That's like cutting off your hair to wear a wig.
Kill the sixth-grader games of going days without calling your girl because she won't let you pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do. If you can't accept her for who she is you're not seeing the real her. You should be proud to have a girlfriend who refuses to let society dictate her image.
She sounds like my type: beautiful, smart and fun to be around. Keep playing and the next time you go without calling her for three-four days I might answer her phone while she's lying next to me... in her birthday suit... exhausted.
MOM PARTIES TOO MUCH
Dear Willie D:
My mom is a party queen. She goes out every weekend and returns home well into the wee hours. It wouldn't be so bad if she was in her 20s or even 30s but she's 57 years old. We share an apartment together so it is very embarrassing whenever my boyfriend is visiting and she walks into the house stumbling from a night of drinking and clubbing. She divorced my dad years ago but it wasn't until she got a new job and started hanging out with new friends that she began to act differently.
I went out with her once and everybody in the bar knew her name. I'm used to seeing her dance, but to see my mother bumping and grinding against strange men was rattling and much too much. How do I get her to calm down and act her age instead of running around like a teenager trying to rekindle her youth?
Hurricane Mom is probably going through a phase where she wants to party and have fun while she still can. It could be a delayed midlife crisis. If she's waited this long to get buckwild I don't think you have too much to worry about. She has new friends and a new attitude, but that's really not who she is.
More than likely she'll realize the nightlife is overrated and return to the mom you know. So far you've survived landfall. The only thing left to do is hunker down and ride out the storm.
WHAT TO DO WITH A PSYCHO BOYFRIEND
Dear Willie D:
My boyfriend is an insecure woman-beater. He has threatened to kill me if I ever leave him. My dad is deceased and I have no siblings. It's just me and my mom. He once told me if I left him and he couldn't find me he would kill my mother. He constantly questions what I wear, where I'm going, who I talk to, and who I'm with. On one occasion while driving to a relative's house, he slapped me because I told him that I liked a particular song on the radio.
He is a very dangerous and controlling person. He has made me abandon all of my friends and doesn't like it when I talk to my mother. My mom told me to leave him and move out of town but I fear for her safety because she will not leave the home she raised me in. I don't know what to do. If I call the police it'll just make him angrier. Please help me!
Your situation is the reason why it's important for females to have close relationships with their fathers. Woman-beaters are bullies. They pick on the weak. They hate women who have good relationships with their dads and brothers because they would likely get their heads beat in. They like women who have loose ties with strong male family members because they're easier to control. Unfortunately, the police can only help you if the psycho you're with fears incarceration.
Under normal circumstances your first step would be to go to court and file a temporary restraining order, followed by a permanent one to keep crazy-man from coming in contact with you. However, domestic abuse cases are tricky. Some dudes don't care about going to jail or dying. And you never know how far someone will go until he goes there and it's too late. Speak with someone in law enforcement or an attorney about your issue. By law, you have a right to protect yourself if you feel your life is in danger.
I've never known the cops to show up the moment a dude was pulling out his weapon and blast him before he kills his girlfriend or wife. They usually show up when the body is on the pavement or missing. If someone were smacking me around and threatening to kill my mother, I wouldn't take any chances. I would do whatever I have to do to preserve the life of me and mine. And I do mean whatever. Take that how you want to.
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.