My Girl's Family Is Always Around. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
MY GIRL IS TOO ATTACHED TO HER FAMILY
Dear Willie D:
My girl’s family is too integrated in our affairs. They are always around. I can never come home and just relax. We have a constant stream of people on her side coming and going seven days a week.
I told her that I don’t like company at our house all the time, and she told me that she’s not turning her back on her family. So what’s a man to do, Willie D?
This falls 100 percent on your girl, so talk to her about setting visitation boundaries. If you can deal with them being around a few days out of the week, set a schedule for when you and your girl will be welcoming visits from your in-laws. If they show up unexpectedly, don’t answer the door.
If the message escapes them, open the door wearing a hockey mask while holding a bloody machete in your hand like Jason from Friday the 13th, and scream. That’ll teach them.
FEELING LEFT OUT
Dear Willie D:
My daughter is having a girl’s night out without me. She has invited all of her close friends, and even her stepmother. It really bothers me that she would invite her stepmother but not her own mother.
I tried to blow it off, but couldn’t help myself to call her. She said the reason she didn’t invite me is because I’m too negative. I don’t think I’m negative. I speak my mind. But those are her thoughts, and they hurt. How do I cope with this feeling of exclusion?
That’s awful. But if your own grown daughter thinks you’re negative, it may be wise to evaluate your attitude. Find something to do, such as a hobby, or go on a date, and limit your idle time.
When I was growing up, I often heard the expression “If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.” When your daughter returns, make it a point to speak positive when you talk to her.
It’s okay to speak your mind, but injecting a little consideration for others speaks volumes.
SHOULD I HIT MY BOYFRIEND TO SEE IF HE WILL HIT ME BACK?
Dear Willie D:
I’m in a relationship with a nice guy. We get along great, but my fear is that our relationship is too perfect, and maybe he is hiding something. My friend told me that I should hit my boyfriend to see if he’ll hit me back. She says if he does, I should leave him. I’m not sure about that. What do you think?
Your friend is a damn fool, and I forbid you to follow any advice from her for the remainder of your natural life. As with many relationships, everything is all good in the early stages. Give it some time, and you’ll get your lumps and bruising like the rest of us.
So live in the moment, and let the good times roll like an old-school Cadillac with a diamond in the back and a sunroof top while you’re diggin’ the scene with a gangsta lean.
SHOULD I CONFRONT MY DYING FATHER?
Dear Willie D:
My 68-year-old father is dying of prostate cancer, and I want to confront him about the way he mistreated me all my life. He never supported anything I did at school. It was almost like he was invisible.
Because my mom died when I was very young, he was the only person I could lean on being that we didn’t have relatives in-state, and lived in a rural area with the nearest house being a half mile away. He never physically or verbally abused me; the abuse was more emotional.
As a 42-year-old woman, I know I shouldn’t allow my dysfunctional relationship with my dying dad to affect those I have with other men, but it does. This is something that has weighed heavily on my conscience. Before my dad dies, I would like to know why? Why did he cut me off emotionally?
Assuming that your dad can still communicate his thoughts, you should absolutely ask him why he cut you off emotionally. One of my biggest regrets in life is that I failed to get answers from my mom when I had the opportunity before she died.
Oftentimes when people are on their deathbed, they want to clear their conscience because they no longer have to live with their mistakes, or secrets. Talk to your dad. Hopefully you’ll get the closure you need, and he can rest in peace.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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