My Guest Has Overstayed Her Welcome. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
HE WOULDN’T MARRY ME, SO I LEFT HIM
Dear Willie D:
I was with my ex-fiancé for six years before I decided to move on with my life. He has his own business, so I was respectful of his obligations when he told me that he wanted to wait until things picked up businesswise. Well, after things picked up, something else came up. Then he had to file for bankruptcy, and almost lost everything.
I was right there at his side through thick and thin. I was prepared to wait maybe another year or so until his company got stronger financially; that is, until one day after returning home from a party, he made the comment that I was too bossy and was trying to pressure him into marriage. That night I packed my things and never looked back.
I’m feeling a little insecure because I’m already 42 and the clock is ticking. I feel like I wasted six years of my life waiting on something that was never going to happen. I’ve been dating a new guy for a few months, and I can say that I am truly in love with him. But how long should I give my body and my life to him before expecting marriage? I don’t want to wait another six years.
The first thing you should do is ask your boyfriend what his plans are for marriage. If he gives you a timetable, that’s a good sign that he is on the same page. There is no set time for marriage, as each couple’s situation is unique. When you get married should depend on a number of factors: financial stability, goals, compatibility, etc. However, be mindful that when you get married is not nearly as important as why you get married.
If you want to marry because you’re tired of spending holidays alone, that could be a problem, but if you want to jump the broom because of unconditional love, you’re on the right track. As with anything in life, your marriage will be what you make of it. Whenever you do get married, have a good sense of humor – you’re going to need it.
MY UNCLE KISSED ME ON THE LIPS. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Dear Willie D:
I’m a 16-year-old only girl who lives at home with my mother. We were watching TV when the doorbell ring, and I got up to answer it. I looked out the peep hole to see it was my mother’s brother, and opened the door to let him in.
When he walked in we hugged, and instead of kissing me on the cheek as usual, he kissed me on the lips, and it wasn’t an accident. I went to my room and didn’t come out until I knew he was gone. I want to tell my mother, but I don’t want to destroy her relationship with her only brother. They are real close. How do I handle this situation?
I’M TRYING TO GET RID OF A GUEST WHO HAS OVERSTAYED HER WELCOME
Dear Willie D:
I caught myself doing a favor for a friend who was down on her luck. I allowed her to live with me after she lost her job and was evicted from her apartment for nonpayment of rent.
She told me that she would only be at my house for six months tops, which I thought was not only reasonable but perfect because it would give us quality time to bond and strengthen our friendship. Well, it’s been a year and she’s still living in my house, and not contributing financially.
For the first time I have roaches in my house because of her leaving dirty dishes in the sink and open food in her room. I feel like she’s taken over my house. I can’t have visitors because I never know what condition my house will be in when I come home. I want her out, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings and ruin our friendship. How do I get her out?
Insult to Injury:
Forget about your friend’s feelings. She didn’t care about yours when she left food out and dirty dishes in the sink, and infested your house with roaches. There is no easy way to tell her she has to get out. No matter what you tell her she will be hurt because she is a bum, and you can never do enough for a bum.
It’s time for a little tough love. Go to your friend and give her a move-out date; then stick to it. Don’t allow her to make excuses and argue for an extension. If preventing someone from taking advantage of you ruins your friendship, then you never had a friendship to begin with. Therefore, you have the right to exterminate her like the roach she is.
HOW DO I FIND THE COURAGE TO CHANGE CAREER PATHS?
Dear Willie D:
I have been a medical assistant for the past ten years. I make good money, but I don’t feel I’m getting anywhere financially. I’m ready for a new challenge, but I’m afraid of change.
I have many good relationships and valuable contacts from my time in the business. The thing is, I don’t know what to do with them to assist me in a new, more rewarding venture.
Do you have any ideas?
Since you know so many people working in the medical field and you know the industry so well, why don’t you start your own clinic or physical-therapy business? If you don’t have the money, get an investor. Whenever you have valuable contacts and are experienced in a certain industry, it’s not too hard to convince investors to put up money.
Now, as far as the whole being afraid of change thing is concerned, if you’re serious about that “new, more rewarding venture," then that’s something you’re just going to have to get over. As John C. Maxwell put it, “You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.” I’m rooting for you.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.