My Kids Think I'm Their Maid. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
MY KIDS THINK I'M THEIR MAID!
Dear Willie D:
I’m a 45-year-old woman with 15- and 16-year-old boys. They want me to do everything for them. They expect me to wash their clothes, clean up behind them, cook and prepare their plates.
WTF! I’m a single mother with a full-time job. I take them to school on my way to work, and on most days I pick them up. Because they are involved in after-school activities, it gives me time to get off work and drive to the school they attend together. I don’t understand this mentality they have where they presume they don’t have to do anything because I’m going to do it for them.
They are gentlemen in the sense that they will open doors for me, and they are very protective of me. But the other day I returned home from grocery shopping and walked into the house with bags. Instead of asking to help, they continued watching TV.
I walked back to the car, grabbed a few more bags and came back into the house just to see what they would do. I was so incensed that they hadn’t moved an inch that I cursed both of them out and dropped the groceries on the floor. My boys have become lazy slobs. How do I change their behavior?
It’s not just your kids. Generally speaking, most kids today don’t seem to be getting the basic skills of household chores because parents just aren’t demanding they get them. You’re getting a late start, but you’re the boss, Mom. Do your job and lay down the law. Make your boys do chores and help around the house. If they fail to do so, punish them, follow through and be consistent.
Do not send your sons out into the world looking like men but acting like little boys who don’t even have the sense and decency to offer to help a woman bring bags into the house. Set some boundaries so that they will learn real-life survival skills, instead of trying to be their friend and hoping for the best.
There’s nothing worse than a lazy man. I don’t ever remember a time when I didn’t do chores as a kid. Put them to work. It’s not gonna kill them.
FAMILY MEMBERS JEALOUS OF MY SUCCESS
Dear Willie D:
I don’t have Bill Gates money, but nevertheless my family preys on me just the same. When I was growing up, they never supported me, but now that I’m a successful businessman, everybody wants to claim me as their relative. Even though I help many of them financially, my family members are the worst.
They talk behind my back and wish bad luck on me. I have been told by others on a number of occasions that a family member called me stuck-up or said I was going broke. My own sister has even said negative things about me, but it doesn’t stop her from asking me for money.
How do I cope with family members who are jealous of my success? Have you ever had to deal with something like this?
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Is candy sweet? You better believe I’ve had to deal with jealous family members. If you haven’t had a family member who was jealous of your success, they must not know about it. In most cases, family members who are jealous of your success are mad because you’re not giving them a handout, and inside their little-bitty minds, they think you owe them something.
If you want to show a little love to a family member via a financial blessing, and can afford it, by all means do so. But rest assured it is not your responsibility.
If you don’t like the way certain family members treat you, limit your interactions with them. If you decide to attend a family gathering, drop by for a few minutes, and bounce. The longer you stay around miserable people, the greater the chances are that you will become like them.
THE NURSING HOME KICKED MY MOM OUT FOR CURSING AND FIGHTING
Dear Willie D:
In the space of three years, my mother has been kicked out of five nursing facilities! She has vascular dementia, but worse than that, she has a bad attitude. She is a bitter woman, angry at the world. She once told a female roommate’s family that she was going to kill her when she goes to sleep.
I don’t know what to do. Please help!
It is the nursing facility’s job not only to protect your mom, but to protect other patients from her. When residents become abusive and out of control, it’s a good chance that they will be removed.
You need to decide whether your mom is better off in a nursing home or a mental hospital. Dementia is tough on caregivers as well as the patient, and some nursing facilities are underequipped to deal with such an illness. Educate yourself, and talk to her doctor to determine what living arrangement is best suited for her. Best wishes!
WOMEN CAN’T BE TRUSTED WITH MONEY: TRUE OR FALSE?
Dear Willie D:
Considering that women only recently began making their own money, it’s plausible that they don’t have a lot of experience with budgeting money. That’s what I told my girlfriend the other day.
She didn’t like it, but the truth is the truth. I’ve had four girlfriends in ten years, and not one of them can balance a checkbook, but damn can they spend the money with ease. Of course, there are always exceptions; however, in your personal and expert opinion, do you think overall women can be trusted with money?
The attitude that women can’t be trusted with money is rather dated and sexist, my man. Whether a woman is good or bad with money depends on the woman. After years of watching friends and other men (including myself) blow money on dumb shit, I can tell you from experience that bad spending habits are not gender-specific.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.