My Man Can't Get It Up. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
Dear Willie D:
At just 39 years of age, my husband was crushed at work by an earth-moving machine, and temporally lost the use of his legs because of a spinal injury. The machine caused him to have erectile dysfunction, which he’s been struggling with for more than four years now.
Although he regained the use of his legs, he still can’t get it up for long. He is a good husband and provider to our four children, but I’m getting increasingly agitated by his inability to perform in bed. I’m a 40-year-old woman in the prime of my sexuality, and a woman has her needs, Willie D.
I’m not leaving him, but would I be wrong to step out and get a little piece on the side?
Have you guys consulted with a physician for additional medical treatment? He may require penile prosthesis surgery. You would be wrong to step out on your husband, or did your marriage vows not include the phrase “in sickness and in health”?
Buy some sex toys, if you haven’t already done so, or if your husband hasn’t tried Viagra or Cialis, tell him to do so. Also, try utilizing his other body parts. Most women can’t have an orgasm with traditional penis-in-vagina penetration anyway, so get him to put those hands and tongue to work. Just because the roller coaster is down doesn't mean the whole park has to close.
HOW LONG SHOULD I PURSUE A GIRL BEFORE GIVING UP?
Dear Willie D:
I’ve been pursuing a certain young lady on and off for about two years. Not too long ago, we even slept together, literally. We’re from Houston, and we both ended up at the same party in Miami, and she came back to my hotel room with me drunk. I was sure I was going to get some, but she faked me out and fell asleep in her panties.
The next morning, I tried to have sex with her, but all she would let me do is suck her tits and rub the booty. I had never been so sexually frustrated in my life. I called her last night, and she picked up and said she would call me back, but never did. I feel like she's playing games. I’m tired of chasing her, but I don’t want to give up on any possibilities.
Should I continue my pursuit, or give up on this chick?
Well, it’s not like she’s not giving you any action. You’re getting to feel the tits and squeeze the booty. That’s big. Hang in there, but don’t spook her by appearing to be too eager. What you chase will run away.
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MY BOYFRIEND'S EX WON'T STOP HARASSING US
Dear Willie D:
My boyfriend’s son’s mother follows him on Facebook, and leaves derogatory comments on his posts about us. Sometimes he replies to her, but most often not. She is very negative, and is always saying stupid, hurtful things. But he refuses to block her.
How can we shut her out?
You can’t. The situation will never, ever get better because your boyfriend is allowing it to happen. If you marry him, she will crash the wedding. If you have his children, she will try to hinder his support for them. If you go to sleep, one day you will wake up to her standing over your bed with a Bible pointing a cross at you. You can’t win, for she is the devil. If you stay with your boyfriend, don’t ever expect to be happy.
The best thing you can do is cry now, and move on.
I’M ALWAYS DEPRESSED. SHOULD I JUST GIVE UP ON THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS?
Dear Willie D:
The future doesn't look too bright for me. I’m single since 2008, and I don’t see anything changing soon, as I have no prospects. I’m a 38-year-old woman who just can’t seem to find Mr. Right. At this point I’m not even looking for Mr. Right. Mr. Wrong trying to do right will do.
I cook, clean and cater to my man sexually and emotionally. I have a good career, but I make time for whatever guy I’m dating. I go out on dates about once every three months or so. I even offer to pay for dinner sometimes. So what am I doing wrong?
I don’t know what you’re doing wrong. You sound like a good catch to me. Maybe you’re not doing anything wrong, and you just haven’t met the right person yet. Whatever you do, don’t settle because you can be single and happy, and in a relationship but miserable.
The last thing you want to do is be with a man who’s not right for you when the right one comes along. If you’re a good woman who is well-rounded and generally happy, you won’t have to find a man; he’ll find you because positive energy is sexy as hell.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.