My Man Doesn't Know How to Make Love. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo by Mario Jaramillo
LIFE AFTER COLLEGE
Dear Willie D:
So I graduated from college, and moved from Houston to California. It's been the best decision so far. I just feel extremely lonely here. I want friends. HELP!
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A good way to make friends in a new city is to start at your place of employment. Then branch out by joining clubs and organizations that interest you. If you like working out, join a gym. If you are a religious person, locate a place of worship and become a member. If you like helping people, volunteer your free time at a nonprofit.
Don't rush into anything, though. California, specifically the greater Los Angeles area, is ground zero for weirdos.
MY MAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE LOVE
Dear Willie D:
First and foremost I have to admit that the man I'm currently dating is the best thing that ever happened to me. In a nutshell, he is a perfect gentleman. I'm catered to in every sense of the word. But here is my issue:
Physically, the sex is the bomb, but when I explain to him the difference between having sex and making love (as well as showing him what I like), we seem to cross wires. After telling and showing him, it's like he still doesn't get it.
I really don't want to leave him behind [for] something so trivial in the grand scheme of things. But simultaneously, something has got to give. Any suggestions or assistance you can give would be greatly appreciated.
The man you're dating is the best thing that ever happened to you, and "Physically the sex is the bomb." So what's the problem? [Laughing] I'm just playing; I get it. You're a woman, and although you like it rough, sometimes you want your man to get you addicted to feeling special by taking it slow and easy while paying attention to the contours of your body, as he subliminally stimulates your mind into sexual overdrive.
You've already told your man what you want, and showed him how you want it. Women don't go backwards financially, and men don't go backwards sexually. Unfortunately, you spoiled him with the rough stuff. Consequently, he's stuck in his ways. The only logical thing to do at this point is wait and hope he comes around.
I know you're frustrated, but leaving an otherwise good man because he doesn't have "all" the bedroom skills is unreasonable, and persecuting him about it will only aggravate things. Intimacy isn't something that can be forced. Like water, it's one of the few things that can't be manufactured. It has to come natural.
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Dear Willie D:
I see how people write you about their issues, so here it goes. I am in love with someone. He is not from my country but has a girlfriend and a child back home. He claims that he feels obligated to her because of the child, but says he loves me and has proved it. I feel trapped and suffocated. When I meet someone I like, he gets upset.
I want to be in a relationship where I can take pictures and post on Facebook, or broadcast my relationship. I feel like I'm wasting my time, but what's holding me back is the fact that he financially helps me. I want to call it off, but I need the help. Please advise me on what to do. Thank you.
Trapped and Suffocated:
I wish you had given me more information to work with. Knowing whether you live with the guy, have a job, or you're a student would've helped a lot. If you really need his financial support, but you want out, the best thing you can do for the moment is get a job, stack your chips, and move around when you have income to make it on your own.
His having an affair with you proves he doesn't love you any more than he loves his girlfriend back home, and your willingness to meet other guys and hesitation to leave him because he is providing for you financially proves you don't love him. Successful relationships are built on trust, not money.
When you make money the primary component of your relationship, you can't expect to find happiness -- only flashes of amusement.
THE GIRL I LIKE HAS BEEN HURT AND NO LONGER TRUSTS MEN
Dear Willie D:
How do you convince a woman with a broken past to have trust in you?
A person who is broken from a past relationship is a hard sell. If you really want her to be your girl you're going to have to be patient with her. Don't try to convince her with words -- if you push too hard she will run. Show her you're the right guy with your actions and by being understanding.
You can talk until your lips fall off, but ultimately it will be up to her to learn to trust again, and realize that love has less to do with safeguarding your heart and more to do with exposing it and taking risks.
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