My Man Thinks I'm His Slave. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
MY MAN THINKS I’M HIS SLAVE
Dear Willie D:
I’m starting to think the only reason my boyfriend is in a relationship with me is so I can clean up after him, cook his food and give him sex whenever he wants it. He never lifts a finger to do anything domestic. Even when we make love, it’s me doing all the work. He never gets on top.
Both of us have jobs, and I sometimes work longer hours than he does. His caveman ways were cute when our relationship was new, but now they’re taking a toll on me emotionally. I have expressed this to him, but he won’t listen. Is there hope for a once good thing?
People will change when the pain of the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. The cooking, cleaning and getting on top all the time during sex — you did that. You taught your man how to treat you. Therefore, if you want to be treated differently, you need to show him how you want to be treated.
Stop doing all those things that give him pleasure but cause you strife. Tell him what you told me. But just remember, it took time for you to create the monster. It’ll take time for you to destroy it.
I FOUND MY DAUGHTER’S SUICIDE LETTER
Dear Willie D:
I have a 15-year-old daughter who attends high school. She is both attractive and popular. We have a good relationship, but she has been a little distant as of late. Thinking she was going through something, I started searching her room for clues, something I’ve been doing for the past three weeks since she won’t tell me what’s going on.
After not finding any of the usual signs of trouble, i.e., drugs, alcohol and boyfriend issues, I relented and left it alone. Well, today when I got home, I noticed her backpack was on the floor next to her bed, and she was asleep, so I quickly took it into my room, closed the door and went through it. Between the pages of her tablet, I noticed a folded letter.
When I opened it, my heart sank to my stomach. It was a suicide letter. She said she was going to end her life because she was being bullied at school and she doesn’t have any friends. I felt as though the words were those of someone I didn’t know. She always had sleepovers, and everybody likes her.
I can’t find the words to say to her. This is my only child, and I would die if I lost her. What do I say, Willie?
Searching For Words:
Sit your daughter down and ask her if everything is okay. Make a lot of room in the conversation to listen. Most likely she won’t be forthcoming, so be prepared to tell her that because you were concerned about her, you searched her bag, and found her letter.
Apologize for going through her things, then tell her how much you love her, how valuable her life is, and let her know that you will be there every step of the way to give her the support she needs. I would confront the bullies, but most kids don’t want to confront their bullies, so you may want to consider changing schools or home-schooling.
Additionally, contact a suicide prevention hotline immediately. They will walk you through the steps to take to get your daughter help. I think you’re doing a great job as a mother, and wish you nothing but the best.
SHOULD I OPEN A JOINT BANK ACCOUNT WITH MY MAN?
Dear Willie D:
My man wants me to open a joint bank account with him, but he is not good at balancing money. What should I do?
Open both a joint and a separate account. The joint account protects you as a couple. The separate account protects you as an individual in case the relationship doesn’t work out.
MY SON IS RUNNING WITH BAD COMPANY
Dear Willie D:
My son sneaks out of the house at night to hang out with his friends. One of his friends was kicked out of school for smoking weed. Another was arrested for shoplifting. I am afraid that if he continues to hang out with his friends, he will end up doing something illegal.
I have punished him, and talked to him many times. I even had my old college friend talk to him, thinking that he might listen to reason coming from a male perspective. His father is not in the home, and it’s hard on me trying to raise a 14-year-old boy alone. I’m willing to consider any ideas you may have.
Adolescent rebellion is part of growing up and marching toward independence. We all did it, or will do it to some extent. Props to you for not just punishing your son but trying alternative measures to get through to him.
Stay on him, and be patient. Like any storm, this too shall pass.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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