My Man Wants to Make a Sex Tape. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
SHOULD I MAKE A SEX TAPE WITH MY BOYFRIEND?
Dear Willie D:
I’m 19 and being pressured by my boyfriend to make a sex tape with him. He told me that if I truly loved and trusted him, I would do it. I want to do it, but I’m afraid what will happen if we ever broke up. He tells me he would never do something like that, and even swore on his dead grandmother.
I’m confused. What should I do?
For a man, filming himself having sex with his girl is one of life’s greatest thrills. But you have to consider that sex tapes get stolen and accidentally end up in the wrong hands. Ask yourself, if the relationship doesn’t work out, what are the chances of the video making it to the Internet? Can you live with your own personal blowjob video circulating around the office of your government job?
How would you feel if your family, including your mother, father and future children, friends and everybody in your community, knew what you looked like taking it from the back or what your go-to vulgarity phrase was when it gets really good? My general rule for sex tapes is, if you don’t want the world to see it, don’t do it because many men are not honorable and technology has made it too easy to destroy a person’s life with the push of a button.
It’s easy to put your trust in someone when you’re in love and everything’s good. But once the love is gone, I can assure you there will be changes. If he insists on you making a sex tape, tell him to let you film him masturbating to a photo of Brad Pitt, and whispering sweet nothings into the camera. Then tell him you’re going to keep a copy for yourself in a safe place — just in case.
MY GIRLFRIEND IS JUDGMENTAL
Dear Willie D:
My story is, I have been with the same girl for six years and her self-righteous attitude is wearing me out. The only time we get along is when we are having sex. Other than that, she whines about everything that has to do with me. Mainly she complains about my friends. She called my best friend a male whore and told me I must be one too if I’m hanging out with him.
I tell her my friend is a single man, and while he dates different women, that doesn’t make him a whore. Neither she nor I know what he does behind closed doors. I told her just because he does something doesn’t mean I’m going to do it. She doesn’t like my friend and wants me to defriend him.
But like I told her, that’s not going to happen. We have known each other since middle school and we are in our late thirties. Tell me what to do to get this woman off my back and get her to stop judging me and my friends.
Everyone is judgmental to an extent. That’s how we communicate our likes and dislikes. Some people are just compulsive with judging others. Those types of people are insecure, so to make themselves feel better, they find fault in others. Tell your girl to knock it off. Lay down the law, and reiterate to her that you love her but she needs to stop judging so much. If she can’t respect that, there’s no need to be together because the relationship has run its course.
Alternatively, since the only time you two seem to get along is during sex, you could strip her clothes off and get busy each time it appeared as though she was about to judge you or your friends. Never mind; that could be weird if your friends were around.
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MY HUSBAND BOUGHT A CAR WITHOUT CONSULTING ME
Dear Willie D:
Eight months ago my lifestyle was something to be envied. I didn’t have to work and my husband took care of everything. But once he lost his job, things got tight fast. Without any savings, we had to cut back on luxuries we once took for granted such as eating out, traveling and shopping.
I was lucky enough to get a job to help out, and a few weeks later, he landed a new job. After that, we decided that we would pool our resources and start saving our money in preparation for future rainy days. Everything was going as planned until last week, when he came home in a new car. We already have two cars, one of which is already paid off.
Now we have another car note to put on top of other bills. This is something he did without consulting me. I asked him to return the car, but he said it’s too late. He said it would show up as a repo on his credit. I feel as though he violated my trust. Am I overreacting?
If you had loads of money and your husband went out and purchased a car without your knowledge, I would say maybe you're overreacting. But that's not the case. Money is tight and you guys are pooling your resources to maintain your lifestyle and save for rainy days. The two of you made a budget pact. For him to buy a car without consulting you was inconsiderate, immature and selfish.
You’re not overreacting; he is.
I RELY ON FOOD FOR FRIENDSHIP
Dear Willie D:
I have always been the smallest girl in my clique. Well, all that started to change when I got into my thirties and I started gaining weight. Now I’m the big girl in the group. I don’t have kids; I gained my weight eating. Because I had no experience dieting, I didn’t know how to get my weight under control. I went from a size 7 to 20 in a matter of three years.
The more weight I gained, the more I stayed inside my house and ate. I have tried no fewer than five diets, and even got a personal trainer. With her help, I got my weight down to a size 12. Then I went through a depression when my sister died, and all the weight came rushing back. Currently I’m a size 24.
One minute I’m motivated, then I get busy, or life happens, and I fall off the wagon. How do I stay focused and lose this weight for once and for all?
Fad diets and yo-yo exercising don’t work. You have to be consistent. The only way to be consistent is to make exercising and eating healthy a part of your lifestyle.
The same way you get up every day to wash your face and brush your teeth, you have to include exercise and healthy eating in your regime. Your motivation is in what excites you. If you want to lose the weight because you want to look sexy, let that be your motivation. If losing weight to lower your chances of becoming ill is your goal, let that be your motivation.
You’ve already proven you can do it. Now act like B.T. Express and do it till you're satisfied.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.