My Son Saw Me Crying. Help!
Dear Willie D:
I need you to look out for me on this one. Quick question: Is it okay for a son to see his dad cry? I have only seen my father cry twice: When his grandmother died, and on his death bed, the day he looked me in the eyes and said he was ready to lay it down on me. He died from AIDS days later.
Just asking, because I've cried in front of my son knowing he doesn't understand the real meaning. Is that showing a sign of weakness?
When Dads Cry:
In general, no, but some men cry too damn much. You ever had that friend who drunk-calls you in the wee hours of the night every time he gets into it with his girl? Sad, man. Here’s the deal: the way humans are wired, when the soul is wounded, it bleeds tears. Tears are associated with emotions, which proves you have a conscience.
I don’t care how real or strong he is, all men cry from time to time. However, because of societal expectations many of us hide it. Johnny Depp said, “People cry, not because they are weak. It is because they've been strong for too long.” I believe that to be true particularly with men. Crying is no more a sign of weakness than laughter is a sign of strength.
HE WANTS HIS SPACE
Dear Willie D:
Recently, the guy I have been with for almost nine months and I have been fighting like crazy. He even took back everything he gave me, and told me it was missing if he did not break it. I think he is messing with another woman. He just told me he had a 5-month-old baby he found out about two months ago, and he is still not sure it is his.
I saw a picture and I am sure it is his. Oh, I left out she is now my next door neighbor. He tells me now that he needs his space. So I said we should break up if space is what you need. He refuses and tells me that he loves me and this is not a breakup. He just wants to figure things out.
I understand that this may be a bit much on his plate, but I also know that I am not the space chick. If given the opportunity I will leave and never look back, but I do love him. I guess my question is, should I just go on about my life without him or should I wait this out. Please help me, Willie D.
Fighting Like Crazy:
Your relationship reminds me of that familiar police phrase that’s often said when a crowd of people have gathered at the scene of a crime or accident, “Nothing to see here; move along.”
As such, you have two options: You can watch the train wreck from a distance or be part of the wreckage.
MY SON BRAGS ON HIS DEADBEAT DAD
Dear Willie D:
My son is always bragging about how great his deadbeat dad is. My son is nine. In the seven years since his dad and I separated, his dad has only sent him birthday gifts. He gets no support for clothes and school activities. He doesn’t pay child support, and I refuse to file on him because I realized he is just one of those guys that jail won’t help.
I also don’t want to ever be accused of being the reason my child’s father is locked up. Pulling the load alone is tough, but I do what I have to do for me and my son. I can see why a boy would be fond of his father, but my son’s father does nothing for him. So why does he continue to sing his praises?
Pulling the Load:
The grass is always greener with the non-custodial parent.
MY MAMA IS TRYING TO STEAL MY CHILD FROM ME
Dear Willie D:
I've been watching your videos lately (on Facebook) and you actually do respond to your viewers. Much respect, so I humbly come to you, big brother seeking advice and knowledge. I know my thoughts right now are that of the person me, and you both are trying to change from. But man, my mama is trying to steal my child from me, and charge me for him, bro!
My baby mama had been hiding my son from me for about a year and a half. Then she gets locked up and tells the people to send him to my mama, and she hides him for almost seven months before I found out that she's been having him since January of last year. Now my whole family has pretty much disowned me because me and my mama are having words about her trying to steal my child.
She wouldn't even let my 4-year-old daughter use the bathroom at her church because she didn't want my son to see his sister and act a fool. I know you gon’ give me the real if you ever read this message. I appreciate everything you've done so far on the Internet and in music. You’re a bad man, dude! Lol!
I ain't trying to give you my life story, but man this shit hurts like a muthafucka and is confusing. If you can, help a brother, my G. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed?
No, you’re not wrong for feeling betrayed. Your mama and family members are wrong. Go get your child, damn what they’re saying. Since you’re the biological father and the mother has proven herself to be an unfit parent by getting herself locked up, it shouldn’t be a problem gaining child custody. A quick visit to the court clerk's office, and they’ll be able to offer you the assistance you need to file.
Best wishes, and keep up the good fight.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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