My Wife Is Spending All My Money. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
MY TROPHY WIFE IS BURNING THROUGH MY MONEY
Dear Willie D:
I hate to say it, but I went out and got myself a trophy wife. When I first met her, it wasn’t a big deal spending money. We vacationed impulsively, dined at the finest restaurants and shopped till we dropped all the time. But now that things are a little tight, I have asked her to help do her part with cutting back on spending.
While she agreed initially, she is now starting to resent the fact that her lifestyle has been scaled down. I still have a sizable amount of money in the bank, and assets, but we have to just weather the storm before we can get back to doing whatever we want. Her resistance has started to wear on me to the point that last month I had a mild stroke.
I’m afraid that if I don’t allow her to continue to spend my money like she wants, she will leave me. How do I get her to be understanding of my current situation and play team ball?
You’ve already asked your trophy wife to stop blowing your money, and she’s not having it. So the only thing you can do is cut her off, and wait on the divorce papers. There’s nothing wrong with having a wife to show off like a trophy, but if your money gets tight, don’t be surprised if she turns out to be a participation medal.
SHOULD I TELL MY HUSBAND I WAS RAPED?
Dear Willie D:
I was molested by my fifth-grade teacher, but I never told my husband of ten years. I hate keeping secrets from him. We are still very much in love, and in my heart of hearts I don’t think it would cause him to stop loving me. But I do fear he might look at me different. Should I disclose this painful secret to clear my conscience or should I leave it along?
If keeping your secret from your husband is weighing on you that heavily, maybe you should tell him. If he does look at you differently upon hearing the news of something as tragic as child molestation happening to his wife, it shouldn’t be out of shame. It should be because he wishes he was there to protect you and he admires you for surviving such a horrible experience.
Furthermore, if he thinks less of you because of something that happened to you when you were a kid in fifth grade, then those ten years you’ve had with him don’t mean anything anyway.
WHAT CAN I DO TO STAY POSITIVE?
Dear Willie D:
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I have a hard time staying positive because of certain experiences in my life. I feel like I’m a good person, but bad luck seems to follow me everywhere that I go. Before I started reading your column, I always thought you was an asshole. But I have since become a fan and even started listening to your music.
I read an article where you said that you read a lot and try to surround yourself with positive people. Because of my situation, I don’t know if it’s possible to be around positive people, but I would like to read a few books that might help me think more positive and be a better person. Where would you recommend I start?
Thanks for no longer considering me an asshole [laughing]. The consequences of negative thinking can lead to anxiety, severe depression and suicidal thoughts — all which I’ve experienced at some point or another in life. Here are some suggestions that I use to think positive:
- Make a commitment to yourself to hold your head up when life’s troubles come calling.
- Be thankful for what you have, rather than critical of what you don’t.
- Know that it’s almost never as bad as it seems.
- Realize it could always be worse.
- Give yourself permission to forgive yourself when you fall short of your expectations.
Additionally, purchase the book You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought (The Life 101 Series) by Peter McWilliams. That’s a good start.
MY MAN IS A FLIRT
Dear Willie D:
I met my husband at work six years ago, and everything has been fine except he is a big flirt. We have two kids, and as a result I have gained a few extra pounds. We work for the same company, and last week on his off day, he brought me lunch. When a female co-worker asked him where her food was, he told her she’d have to come over so he could cook for her.
I know he was only playing, but his flirting has really been bothering me lately due to my weight gain [I’m about 20 pounds overweight]. I still take care of myself, dress well and have guys trying to hit on me. It feels good to know I still got it, but I’m very self-conscious.
I feel guilty for asking him to change who he really is deep inside. How can I get him to stop being such a flirt without changing who he is?
I’m not sure you can stop your husband from flirting without changing who he is. Flirting is in his DNA. However, you can tell him it bothers you and you want him to stop.
Since you’ve allowed your husband’s flirting to go unchecked for so long, it may be a bit of a challenge, but you have to tell him how you feel and set some boundaries. After you set the boundaries, make sure they’re applied. As with any relationship, rules mean nothing if you’re not going to enforce them.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for his best answers.