Nine Rappers About To Be Eaten By Their Own Beards
In today's crowded music industry, it's becoming increasingly difficult for artists to stand out from the pack, but sometimes a facial package of ample weight and gargantuan growth will do the trick. Look out, these hip-hoppers are one hair strand away from disappearing into the abyss of their own beard.
Here are some rappers that are most likely to be eaten by their beards.
Kaine, Ying Yang Twins: Kaine's beard (above) is extremely glamorous. Aside from the potential of being devoured by his own beard, Kane should also avoid beard-grabbing babies. Beard vs. baby? Baby wins every time.
?uestlove, The Roots: ?uestlove's beard appears to be wearing his face. It should be the other way around. Legend has it that whenever The Roots crew is in dire need of a hit, ?uesto scratches his beard for 15 seconds and - presto! - a whole new masterpiece is born.
Def Jam Records
Rick Ross: You can see that Rick Ross' facial package has already engulfed his entire neck and chin and is now approaching his eyes. Soon that beard is going to disintegrate his entire face into one jolly mix, and all he can do is look on and say, "Bawse!"
K-os: Canadian hip-hopper K-os rocks his Island patch with confidence. But if those untamed strands ever connect, his face will disappear in less than five years.
W.C.: W.C.'s beard is borderline nightmarish. It looks sturdy enough to support two AKs while C-walking at the same time.
Tech N9ne: Tech N9ne is a stunningly imaginative MC with a good ear for music, but what the hell is up with that beard? That thing looks like it has retractable appendages and probably sneaks out in the middle of the night to snack on Doritos.
Freeway: Freeway's beard threatened mutiny several times throughout his career. Both parties seem to have reached a compromise on the condition that Free publicly pay homage to his beard. Ladies and Gents, we give you "Freeway's Beard."
Joaquin Phoenix: We had to throw this one in for shits and giggles. Joaquin Phoenix moonlighted as a rapper for several months while recording his mockumentary with Casey Affleck. Turns out he was also auditioning for the part of the first human Grizzly Bear.
Def Jam Records
Rick Rubin: Rick Rubin is obviously not a rapper, but we had to bend the rules for the man who brought us Beastie Boys, Public Enemy and Def Jam Records. Rick's beard is so large that you could probably store an extensive library of beat CDs in it. He also looks like a homeless guy who hasn't eaten in decades.
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