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Our Favorite Music-Video Dances of All Time

Hipster Scum
Hipster Scum

This Saturday morning, the Houston Press and our sister blog Art Attack will be hosting a dance party, starting at 10 a.m., to celebrate National Dance Day. They even made a few videos to get Houston ready for the event, featuring yours truly in the only dance get-up that matters, jorts and a sleeveless Misfits shirt. We cannot dance, by the way. We only know the "Super Bowl Shuffle," and that took 15 years to get down pat.

For Rocks Off, this was a golden opportunity to list our favorite dance routines from the past 30 years of music videos. This weekend also marks MTV's 30th anniversary, so stick around all this week for more blogs celebrating the "music" channel, which now only plays music in the early mornings, when you should be at work anyhow.

We present to you our favorite 20 dance-y videos, which sadly doesn't include The Macarena, Radiohead's clip for "Lotus Flower," or more than one Shakira video. We were torn between "Hips Don't Lie" and "Whenever, Wherever," like really torn. We actually know nothing about dancing per se, so this list has almost no artistic input. Also, feel free to chime in your favorites.

Fatboy Slim, "Praise You"

Yes, that is actor-director Spike Jonze, and yes, we did try to re-stage this video in our high school commons. Yes, we did go on to community college.

Britney Spears, "I'm A Slave 4 U"

The sweat makes all the difference.

Shakira, "Hips Don't Lie"

Her hips don't lie, alright, but we could have done without Wyclef Jean. Worst hook to get in your head, ever.

Madonna, "Vogue"

We miss young, fat Madonna.

Beyonce, "Crazy In Love"

You couldn't escape this song during the summer of 2003. We like the wifebeater the most.

 

Aaliyah, "Are You That Somebody?"

So easy even we could do that dance, had we not had a history of stress fractures and a fear of rapid leg movement.

Bjork, "It's Oh So Quiet"

Bjork makes what seems to be her most conventional video, and even then it's still fun and freaky.

Feist, "1,2,3,4"

How many hipster girls put this on their lovey-dovey mixtapes? We didn't put it on mixes we made, that's for damned sure. OK, just three.

Janet Jackson, "Rhythm Nation"

Did they film this inside the Joker's factory hideout from the first Batman movie?

David Bowie & Mick Jagger, "Dancing In The Streets"

In another dimension, Mick and David are an old, gay, married couple in upstate New York surrounded by dozens of grandkids on a palatial estate. We just wish they could have finally made out at the end of this video.

 

Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance"

The debut of the monster claw, "Bad Romance" was Gaga's biggest video and song, to date at least, until "Government Hooker" hits the radio.

Ginuwine, "Pony"

So popular that people are still doing The Pony, even 15 years after this video was released.

Britney Spears, "...Baby One More Time"

Oh, if only we could have frozen Britney right after this video was made.

Michael Jackson, "Smooth Criminal"

We remember kids trying to do that tilt move, that MJ achieved with special shoes, and falling and busting their arms and faces.

Jamiroquai, "Virtual Insanity"

Does this count, since it was done with special effects? The walls were the only thing actually moving during filming. Also, remember when you could wear a bucket hat and be cool?

 

Paula Abdul, "Opposites Attract"

Interesting Music Fact: MC Skat Kat was put down in 1995 after contracting feline AIDS.

Beyonce, "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)"

So good that thousands of people uploaded videos of them trying to do Beyonce's moves onto YouTube that the website shut down for two weeks in 2008. We still have our black leotard too.

OK Go, "Here It Goes Again"

The band is kinda eh, but we can get behind the inventiveness of this clip. If only we could use this sort of brainpower to solve the debt crisis, amirite? Dancing solves everything.

Michael Jackson, "Thriller"

You know, if you came across a gang of undead people doing some soft shoe on the street in 2011, you would know the zombie apocalypse had begun. We miss 1984, when this could happen and we merely giggled. Also, we think zombie culture is stupid.

Fatboy Slim, "Weapon of Choice"

It's a... music video... featuring... Christopher... Walken. From classics of stage... and screen.

BONUS

Madonna, "Hung Up"

We didn't feel right putting this clip in the middle of the list because many people have probably never seen this one, but we still think it's hot as shit, even if Madge is older than our own mother by four years.


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