Rocks Off Resolutions: How We Hope to Improve in 2012

Basically, we resolve to be like this.
Basically, we resolve to be like this.

It seems like every year around this time, we start with the, "God, I need to lose weight" or "stop smoking" or "exercise more" or "stop murdering babies." It never seems to work and by March, we are back to our old, fat, smokey, lazy, baby murdering ways. It's a shame, really.

This year, Rocks Off decided we should put our resolutions in print pixels to remind everyone of what massive failures we are come March. We're kidding. We really want to point to this post and say, "See, I told you!" We're kind of petty that way.

So, enjoy our resolutions and don't laugh too hard if when we fall off the wagon. Oh, and tell us yours in the comments.


"In 2012 I resolve to keep not caring about what I listen to, or being ashamed of it, no matter how vulgar and vile it may be to more cultured sensibilities," Craig Hlavaty, assistant music editor said, clutching his monocle and holding a half-empty bottle of Faygo.

"I will continue to resolve to not feel awkward ending most of my work days with a double-shot of John Mayer and Sun Ra. I will continue to enjoy Creed, Nickelback, and most everything else that my job title silently dictates that I should not," Hlavaty continued, petting his beard like a sleeping poodle.

"I would still rather tear up during an acoustic version of "With Arms Wide Open" rather than white-person dance to "Pumped Up Kicks", he added.

Much later, after the close of business at the office, and after he had turned off the great Rocks Off turbines that help power the blog from day to day -- manned in part by gutter-stained orphans -- he pulled out his vinyl copy of Motorhead's Overkill. He watched the vinyl record spin on the turntable, letting his tears hit the black material like a great Spin Art machine.

"Fuck yah, bro," he whispered sweetly, looking off into the middle distance at a GG Allin bobblehead nodding in agreement. -- Craig Hlavaty

In 2012, I want to practice harder, write more, talk infrequently, organize better, care less, love deeper, smile often, eat healthy, exercise regularly, improvise often, plan accordingly, express creatively, drive slower, calm down, speed up, play louder, listen carefully, breathe slowly, read vigorously, drink responsibly(ish), dress nicer, starve obsession, feed passion, help gently, laugh recklessly, work smarter, get richer and, of course, hold on loosely. It's gonna be a helluva year. -- Jeff Balke

The only New Year's Resolution I have for this coming year is to try and be less awesome. Oh, also: I'd like to finish my first book (working on it now) and begin my second (working on that now too). I suppose those two are a tad contradictory. Whatevs. -- Shea Serrano 

In truth, more like this.
In truth, more like this.

I have a long list of weekly resolutions that have built up over the past year. Quit drinking, quit smoking, eat less, poop more, listen more and talk less. I can't tackle all of those in 2012 if the world is going to end. If this year is my last on earth, I just want to be skinny. As long as I stick to the strict set of nightlife rules I created, I can probably lose 20 pounds in at least 3 months:

1. Eat before going to a show. That way, I won't go to Chapultepec at 3 a.m. for queso flameado. I will also save money by not paying for Prince songs on the jukebox.

2. Pick a destination and stay for at least 1 hour. Being on the move encourages more drinking, being at more bars means setting a slow pace with beer, beer-drinking means bigger belly bloat.

3. Stand in the center of the crowd during shows. Doing this will ensure that my core is tight as I keep my ground while being pushed from one side to the other.

4. Stick to venues with strange bathrooms and no air conditioning. Squats are a wonderful way to tone your legs and butt, and no air conditioning almost makes a show like a bikram yoga session. -- Allison Wagoner

My only musical resolution in 2012 is to continue expanding the art of the music video, both as a reporter and and as an artist. It is high time that the medium returned to its rightful place as the acme of musical art, and if we're the only reviewer in the mainstream media out there covering them then so be it. We want to see more local groups tackle the task, since we've pretty much proven that you can make magic with an iPhone and a few talented friends. For ourselves, we plan on studying hard the filmmaking craft so that not only can we bring our own music to a wider audience, but so that we can recognize excellence in others. -- Jef with One F

My New Year's resolution is to get my iTunes in shape. It's full of excess fat from mixtape downloading indulgence. It's time to delete several hundred tracks that I never listen to but creep up and bother me during shuffle. My second resolution is to find an under-18 year-old rapper that totally murders everyone in the scene and makes everyone feel really insecure. My intuition tells me that person is out there. My last resolution is to sit down and talk to old school Tejano artists like Jay Perez, Little Joe, and Roberto Pulido. They shaped so much of my music experience as a kid and I feel it's a shame the only time I ever write about Tejano is when I mention Selena, when in many corners of our great state, it's alive and well. -- Rolando Rodriguez

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