The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful (?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: March 13
Name: Jake Owen
AKA: "The guy who originally wanted to be a golfer."
What Kind of Music Is It? Focus group-approved country.
Have I Heard Any of His Songs? That song you heard in the car that made you want to jerk the wheel into a goddamn bridge abutment? That was probably "Barefoot Blue Jean Night."
Does He Know What "The Shocker" Is? Owen strikes us as a straight missionary-position kind of guy.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) for Pre-Show Raging? Zima and Marlboro Ultra Lights 100s.
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt? Have you washed it? That thing has to be pretty nasty by now.
Will There Be Chicks There? It seems likely. He can definitely offer some valuable hair-care tips.
Will We Get into a Fight? If you stay awake long enough.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? "Something About a Woman," "Alone with You."
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SHOW ME HOW
Check Out the Show or Stay Home and Watch Baseball Tonight? Even spring baseball is more exciting.