Six People Who Should Have Never Tried To Rap
The hip-hop world is a less than sensible place -lots of times, you're even required to clarify when bad means bad and when bad means good- so once a week we're going to get with a rapper and ask them to explain things. Have something you always wanted to ask a rapper? Email email@example.com.
This Week's Rapper: K.A.R.O.
This Week's Subject(s): Non-rappers as rappers
TicketsSat., Mar. 25, 9:00pm
Jeezy - The Trap or Die Tour
TicketsSun., Mar. 26, 7:00pm
Monster Energy Outbreak Presents: 21 Savage - Issa Tour
TicketsFri., Mar. 31, 7:00pm
The Last Waltz 40 Tour: A Celebration Of The 40th Anniversary
TicketsFri., Mar. 31, 8:00pm
April Fools In Flannel - 90's Grunge Night
TicketsSat., Apr. 1, 7:00pm
(produced by gene_one21ten)
Ask A Rapper: So this one sort of writes itself. One of the guys from the Harry Potter movies is considering a transition into a rapping career. This, should it come to fruition, will almost certainly be unpleasant. [Ed. Note: Tom Felton, who plays Harry's platinum-blonde nemesis Draco Malfoy, has since said he was joking and his comments were taken out of context.]
The question, then: Who were the six worst non-rapping dudes/femmes that tried to make a go of it as a rapper? Let's avoid any athletes, because that'd be way too easy. Six. And you're off..
1. Nick Cannon
K.A.R.O.: It's just the fact that he was a Nickelodeon comedian. I could not take him seriously at all. Great businessman/entertainer, but not a rapper.
*We were actually going to make a little note here abou how Cannon's flute-fluttery "Gigolo," that song he did with R. Kelly in the early aughts, was kind of fun and maybe even a little charming, but we had it playing in the background while we were typing this and just threw up all over the place.
K.A.R.O.: He played in two hard movies; Baby Boy and Waist Deep. I guess that made him wanna rap. He's a great singer... that sings love songs. Rapping about the streets wasn't gone [sic] fly.
3. Terrence Howard
K.A.R.O.: He's a great actor, that's why he was so convincing in Hustle and Flow. So with that said, he did right by sticking with acting. It's hard out here for a pimp.
K.A.R.O.: No! [laughs]
5. John Cena, wrestler
K.A.R.O.: He reminds me of Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg [laughs]. That's another bad idea.
*This is our favorite pick of the bunch. All wrestlers should attempt to rap at least once. Even Hulk Hogan's attempt was okay; Macho Man's too. You're going to sit there and honestly say that you wouldn't download an Undertaker mixtape? No effin' chance his lead single, a hip-hop Metallica cover of "For Whom The Bell Tolls," doesn't rack up 40 million hits on Youtube 36 hours after it's released. Undertaker, bro: Best rapper alive.
6. Antonia (Toya) Carter*
K.A.R.O.: If you heard her on her show, you would say no to her rap career too. They all should just let the rappers rap. that's it.
*Toya Carter is most famous for having sex with Lil' Wayne, and even managed to strangle a television show out of it. If someone has sex with you, and then they give that person a television show, you're doing something right.
Note: Some others who tried and perhaps shouldn't have: Spencer Pratt (for real, bro); "Rappin'" Rodney Dangerfield; Ron Jeremy; Tila Tequila (who did she have sex with to get famous? Oh that's right: Everyone); Perez Hilton.
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.