Skeleton Dick: Decoding Houston's No. 1 Punk Band's Stupid Name
It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we're trying hard to find meaning in the oddest monikers.
Skeleton Dick currently reigns as Houston's top punk ac, with a trophy and everything to prove it. We've been fans and friends of the band for a long time, and in that time we've always ground our teeth whenever we say their name.
Skeleton Dick? The penis has no true bones in it. Maybe yours doesn't, With One F! Ha ha, very funny. Don't make us come out there and bite you with our face teeth. Seriously, there's a reason they don't have to censor the skeletons in that Mickey Mouse cartoon. It's 'cause they have no wangs.
Normally at this point in the article Rocks Off has to embark on a mad quest or put on an elaborate disguise to track down the band and beat the truth from their lips. In this case, Nicky Da Fish, J-Tan, and Chris Vasquez have been sleeping on our couch, in our papasan chair, and in our bathtub for the last week, so it was really just a case of turning off Yo Gabba Gabba long enough to ask them about the name.
J-Tan: Nick came up with that shit, an idea of 19 people playing drums or something wasn't?
Chris Vasquez: Nah, it was something about Nick and his boner-stick in the shower is what I remember. Then my anus bone hurting real bad when I woke up on the bathroom floor.
Nicky Da Fish: Listen, it was a dark and stormy night... probably. I don't remember. I was...
Nicky: Right. Anyway, I was in the shower. The idea was to create an extremely ridiculous punk band that had like 20 drummers and 1 guitar player. I had to come up with a name that was equally stupid to match the concept for the band and would be embarrassing to tell my parents.
Mission accomplished. Unfortunately, no one wanted to be in a band with that many drummers, so when the time came to actually start the band, we went with multiple guitars instead as they take up less room.
Rocks Off: But what does it freakin' mean?
J-Tan: Gary Coleman in a clown suit.
Nicky: Yeah, it's different every day. Some days it means the bones in a dick. Others it means a skeleton that is a jerk. On occasion it reminds me of the movie Singles, and yeah, sometimes it's Gary Coleman in a clown suit.
Vasquez: The prophecy states that the one skeleton dick could unlock the secrets of the rapture to occur on May 21, 2011. This has since apparently been found and used. So now it is being rented out from a porn cart somewhere in Thailand. New prophecy is pending evaluation.
RO: Final question, and then we're tossing you and all your shit out into the yard. Is there a corresponding skeleton vagina?
Nicky: I hope so, eventually, these skeleton balls are going to need to be emptied.
Vasquez: I hope so too. Otherwise, what the hell are we trying to save?
J-Tan: Meaty drapes!
Rocks Off: Well boys, this was very entertaining and informative. We feel as if we've grown, learned, and ultimately come to a better place. Now leave before we set your amps on fire.
Skeleton Dick (n): 1. Houston's No. 1 punk act. 2. Gary Coleman in a clown suit. 3. A bunch of freeloading bastards who ate all our ice cream.
Skeleton Dick plays Comicpalooza Friday night at the George R. Brown Convention Center.
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