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So, Who Should Play the Super Bowl Halftime Show Next Year?

And it would be the best wardrobe malfunction ever.
And it would be the best wardrobe malfunction ever.

This past weekend, I was honored to cover the Super Bowl XLVII festivities and game in New Orleans for the Houston Press and local TV outlet KIAH (Channel 39). Great fun, if not for locals in NOLA, who were ravaged by drunken football fanatics puking onto their 49ers and Ravens jerseys in the streets.

Obviously Beyonce's halftime show was big news leading up to the game, along with the commercials. As for the game, well, the Ravens resident reverend Ray Lewis got to end his career with a second Super Bowl ring.

Next year the big game comes to the New York area on February 2, 2014, at the new MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. We won't know who is playing the halftime show until at least early fall, so we have plenty of time to speculate.

Why not just have Louis C.K. do 15 minutes of stand-up? He's local after all, and his stage would just be a stool and a microphone. What company has the balls to sponsor that?

So, Who Should Play the Super Bowl Halftime Show Next Year?
Photo by Marc Brubaker

The big conversation though is how weather will effect the game, since MetLife is open air. Jersey in late January/early February isn't exactly historically sunny and warm, and that will be factored in when the halftime entertainment is booked.

There could be a torrential snowstorm, zero-degree winds, you name it. Why did MetLife get the big game? This Daily Beast article knows why.

You can bundle up and heat a stage, but what if the Super Bowl committee books Lady Gaga, a New York City native?

I know I know, I am just supposing....

Being a Jersey Super Bowl, the first logical and safe choice is Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, who also played the halftime show in 2009. I still get chills thinking about how awesome those 12 minutes played out. The Bruce crotch shot was just the cherry on top. Playing "Working on a Dream"? Not so much.

Springsteen and his crew did play some of the last shows at MetLife's precursor, the now-demolished Giants Stadium

But bands do not normally play in detrimental weather. Imagine Beyonce doing what she did on Sunday night inside a blizzard. Not so sexy, unless you love head-to-toe fur and boots.

Bon Jovi is also a Jersey act. They would be a no-brainer for most people holding massive bags of money, and their popularity isn't waning any time soon. And your mom digs them.

The Strokes are from Manhattan. But the Strokes are boring live. And the Strokes haven't released a decent album since the first Dubya administration.

Could Jay-Z pass muster for the NFL? Is Middle America ready for he and Kanye on such a stage? The seven-second delay would be a given.

 

Here's hoping that Taylor Swift doesn't begin dating a pro football player anytime soon. In the span of time it took me to type that sentence, she probably already did.

Imagine your bitch-cakes ex-girlfriend singing about how shitty you are as a person as the featured entertainment in the middle of the biggest game of your life.

AC/DC should have a new album by the fall, so they could be in the running. Say no to Aerosmith, everyone who makes these decisions for the NFL. Dear God, don't let Roger Goodell discover Coldplay. A Coldplay halftime show would result in another American Civil War.

Daft Punk? The robots meet the gridiron? No Doubt? Katy Perry? She could be Katy Mayer by then, making for a deluxe package deal, killing so many birds with so many stones.

An all-star indie-pop throwdown with Passion Pit, fun., and that one band that wears neon you always hear on car ads?

The Black Keys get played enough in pro sports that it seems plausible for them to eventually appear eventually. Maybe then people can see that they are really two guys playing instruments, and not a faceless studio band that makes commercial jingles.

Personally, my pick would be a tandem Van Halen/Van Hagar show, as long as David Lee Roth promises to not show any video of his dog playing fetch.



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