Summer Tours We'd Like To See: Bring Back Texxas Jam!
Summer concert season doesn't last as long as hurricane season, and leaves somewhat less damage in its aftermath, but at least it gives us something to look forward to during those long, hot months. This year, Houstonians will be treated to concert appearances by Lady Gaga (July 25-26), Iron Maiden (June 11), Hole (July 6), the reconstituted Lilith Fair (August 15), and the Dave Matthews Band (September 10). And those are just a few of the bigger names. And yet, Rocks Off is nothing is not greedy. Aren't we looking forward to Chicago and the Doobie Brothers? Who isn't? But summer always gets us thinking about the ones that got away, so here are a few summer tours we would have liked to see this year.
Texxas Jam 2010: The time is now. This decade has already seen the resurrection of Lilith Fair and Lollapalooza, but why should fans of nurturing female folk music and corporate alterna-rock be the only ones to have any fun? It's been 20 years since the demise of hair metal, and Houston is a great friend to the genre (certainly moreso than Dallas, where most of the original shows were held). Call up Don Dokken, David Coverdale, and those crazy Van Halen brothers and make this thing happen.
The Gibberish Festival: The premise is purest simplicity, yet difficult in execution. First, you get bands with nonsensical names like Lady Gaga, Kajagoogoo, Chumbawumba or the Goo Goo Dolls on the bill, use a 12-month old toddler to make the introductions (most of what they'd say would be a close enough approximation to the actual band names), then sit back and sell t-shirts. As a bonus, all the bands could come for a spirited encore consisting of "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da" and "Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo."
The Who: Just kidding. Rocks Off has already seen them twice (once right here in Houston), and there should probably be a Constitutional Amendment prohibiting bands from touring once 50 percent of the original lineup has died. Sorry, Beatles reunion enthusiasts.
Any Band That Reunited At Coachella And Didn't Subsequently Come to Texas: Are you listening, Jesus and Mary Chain (2007), Siouxsie and the Banshees (2002), Love and Rockets (2008), and Pavement (2010)? Half of you guys didn't tour at all, which makes no sense... we have Goths in Houston, they just hide indoors during the day. Pavement's reunion tour doesn't even dip south of the Mason-Dixon line except for one date. What's that? You're playing in Oslo? Thanks a pantload, Stephen. [Ed. Note: The Austin City Limits festival lineup will be announced Tuesday, when we'll find out for sure if Pavement is playing, as we strongly suspect.]
Norwegian Black Metal Bash: The last time Rocks Off saw Maiden was in May 2008. Singer Bruce Dickinson commented during the show that the onstage thermometer read 130 degrees. Now, we wish no real ill on the likes of Gorgoroth or Mayhem, but it would be pretty goddamned funny to put them in the Cynthia Woods Pavilion in August and see if they melted like the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
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