As part of our court-appointed public service, we at Rocks Off don't condone driving while intoxicated. But if you must get behind the wheel after having a few, there are far worse things to be driving than a La-Z-Boy. From Yahoo! news this morning:
"A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers. "Prosecutors say Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured. "Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders."
Hold the phone...a stereo? Sounds like someone needs a list of the "Top Five Songs To Drive Your Furniture Drunk To"...
Kooks, "Sofa Song"
The only advantage we can think of to having a girl sitting with you on the sofa when you get pulled over is maybe you could convince the cop she was driving. Well, that's the only advantage we can print, anyway.
Drive-By Truckers, "George Jones Talkin' Cell Phone Blues"
The DBTs obviously have their hearts in the right place, encouraging the Possum to slow down and take it easy, but to paraphrase Rhah from Platoon: "The only thing that can kill Jones is Jones." Barring some unexpected encounter with Charlie Sheen, we're confident George will outlive us all.
Squeeze, "Black Coffee in Bed"
We don't generally advise drinking coffee in bed, due to the proximity of hot liquids to genitals. We'll make an exception for those rare occasions when you have to take the futon for a spin down to the corner store.
Neil Diamond, "I Am... I Said"
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Anderson was obviously drinking to fill "the emptiness inside him," and he grew frustrated when no one responded to his cries... not even the chair.
Li'l McClintock, "Furniture Man Blues"
McClintock was thinking of something other than DWI when singing this, mostly because it wasn't a crime back then, but also because furniture used to be something we actually cared if we lost. Now, thanks to Ikea, anyone can fill their homes with shoddy Swedish crap.