Ten Rejected Glee Episodes
It seems like Glee can make any song, no matter how trite, terrible, or just inappropriate for singing by high-school-age children into a runaway smash pop hit. However, Rocks Off would like to hypothesize that there are artists that are beyond even Fox's ability to mold into mainstream.
Here are some examples of episodes based around some more... unconventional musical stylings that aren't likely to see daylight on your TV any time soon.
Brittany begins to wander around school barefoot in prophetic robes while the Gleesters slowly begin hanging on her every oddball utterance, culminating in a dream sequence where Brittany starts her own cult while singing "A Velvet Resurrection" at an assembly of enthralled students. Puck, Artie, and Finn sing a heavy metal trio version of "Princess Coldheart" to release some of their anger at the unreasonable romantic demands of the girls. Sue grows a lion tree. LPD founder Edward Ka-Spel guest stars as Brittany's psychiatrist.
Fresh from the success of the Rocky Horror Glee Show, the cast finds themselves courted for a reality TV show on the Glee club using the music from the failed Rocky sequel. But what starts out as fun turns into a nightmare as an unscrupulous producer (Richard O'Brien) manipulates the kids against each other in the name of drama.
Kurt gets a solo version of "Breakin' Out," Rachel tries to take center stage in the show with an over-the-top version of "Me of Me," and Will and Sue go head to head in "Duel Duet," after it is revealed that the two are actually long lost siblings.
Everyone slits their wrists after the Gleesters sing "Angel" at a memorial service held for McKinley's mascot, Titan the bulldog, after he is hit by a car and has to be put to sleep. Oh God, that is just the saddest thing we have ever typed.
Finn has finally had enough and re-enacts Three O'Clock High with his tormenting teammates while lookers-on provide soundtrack backing with "Knights of Cydonia." Meanwhile, Will has a nervous breakdown trying to find another Muse song worth listening to.
GWAR performs at the McKinley Prom. Mike Chang finally gets a solo with "The Road Behind," and the Gleesters have many wacky adventures in the bowels of the Earth Maggot.
After several episodes without a solo, Mercedes decides to up her musical chops by expanding her repertoire and learning bass guitar. She receives help from an unexpected source, Jacob Ben Isreal! Jacob regularly corresponds with Lemmy, whom it turns out is a big fan of his blog about McKinley High, and agrees to introduce Mercedes in return for Rachel's Britney Spears schoolgirl outfit.
Lemmy teaches Mercedes bass and rock and roll singing via Skype if she will convince her classmates to record a cover of "Ace of Spades."
Tina and Santana are caught trying to sabotage the Vocal Adrenaline bus, and are sentenced to community service visiting middle schools to talk to young girls about becoming women using a soft piano rock version of "Raining Blood." Amy Winehouse guest stars as an incarcerated member of the Scared Straight program who lectures the girls about prison using "Seasons in the Abyss."
Quinn and Rachel make out for 30 minutes in various locations set to Leonard Cohen's music. We're thinking like, the beach, maybe in a church confessional, or on the roof of the school with a vibrant sunset blazing in the West. Rocks Off guest stars as the guy dreaming about this.
Glee is in danger of losing its budget unless the gang begins to incorporate more classical vocal literature into their program. Puck stumbles across the Lost Book of Nomi, which explains how to use Korg synths to make "La Donna e Mobile" not suck donkey's kong.
Artie, Kurt, and Mercedes are found dead at the hands of a rollerblading, trenchcoat-wearing Neo-Nazi gang. Will and Emma lead an all-out turf war in retaliation after using a rousing version of "Straight Outta Compton" to get the Gleesters in the proper killing mood. See, Rocks Off always knew he'd find a use for that musical Prayer of the Rollerboys script we've written!
Jef With One F is the author of The Bible Spelled Backwards Does Not Change the Fact That You Cannot Kill David Arquette and Other Things I Learned In the Black Math Experiment, available now.
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