Ten Songs You Never Want To Get Caught Singing Out Loud
Some songs are catchy as hell, yet if you're one of those people who sometimes unconsciously sings out loud to yourself in public, there are some you'll want to avoid. Here are a few tunes which, when sung aloud, may inspire anything from fearful glances to vicious beatings.
1. The Vandals, "Viking Suit"
Subject: Friendly neighborhood photographer prefers subjects which society considers inappropriate.
He likes to take the little boys Walking home from school In his neighborhood Take them to his studio And dress them up in Viking suits Come here little boy!
2. The Misfits, "Last Caress"
Subject: Speaks for itself.
I've got something to say I killed your baby today And it doesn't matter much to me As long as it's dead
I've got something to say I raped your mother today And it doesn't matter much to me As long as she spread
3. Ween, "Flies On My Dick"
Subject: It's kind of hard to tell.
Oh sweet mindfuck lady Please love me like you do Plagued by an image of days long gone Flies on my dick
4. The Weather Girls, "It's Raining Men"
Subject: The Lord works in mysterious ways. (Note: if you're a straight woman or a gay man, you shouldn't have any problems singing this in public, and we're fine with that. Everyone else will want to think twice.)
It's raining men! Hallelujah, it's raining men! Amen! I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get Absolutely soaking wet!
Of course, if you're a straight man and you absolutely must sing it, you can sing the gender/sexuality-neutral version offered by comedian Patrice O' Neal.
5. Nine Inch Nails, "Closer"
Subject: Trent Reznor enjoys sex.
I want to fuck you like an animal I want to feel you from the inside I want to fuck you like an animal My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to God
6. Gary Puckett & the Union Gap, "Young Girl"
Subject: Gary begs a young girl to run away before his hormones take over and he changes, werewolf-like, into a statutory rapist.
So hurry home to your Mama I'm sure she wonders where you are Get out of here before I have the time to change my mind 'Cause I'm afraid we'll go too far, oh Young girl, get out of my mind My love for you is way out of line Better run, girl, You're much too young, girl
7. Lard, "Can God Fill Teeth?"
Subject: Sometimes the government sticks electronic spying implants inside the fillings in your teeth, and when that happens, you gotta man up and take care of it.
Where's the pliers, goddammit?! Where's the pliers?! Wilma! Where'd you put my electric drill? This is all coming out now - TODAY!
Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
8. Mighty Mighty Bosstones, "High School Dance"
Subject: A high-school revenge fantasy with a higher body count than Columbine.
Hello world, remember me? I'm the sad little fuck that you failed to see Who you should have recognized when you had the chance Hello motherfuckers now its time to dance Hello Mom and Dad Is this a bad time? If it is, too bad See the reason that I'm disturbing you both I'm settling scores You fucked me up bad This dance is yours
9. Motorhead, "Jailbait"
Subject: Lemmy does not card.
Teenage baby you're a sweet young thing Still tied to Mommy's apron strings I don't even dare to ask your age It's enough to know you're here backstage You're jailbait, and I just can't wait Jailbait baby, come on
10. Death Cab For Cutie, "I Will Possess Your Heart"
Subject: Persistent suitor isn't going to let things like "refusal," "restraining orders" and "pepper spray" get in the way of true love.
There are days when, outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass And I long for this mirrored perspective, when we'll be lovers, lovers at last.
You gotta spend some time love You gotta spend some time with me And I know that you'll find love I will possess your heart
Honorable Mention: David Allan Coe had two underground albums he released as novelties which were full of songs you wouldn't want to be caught singing aloud, such as "I Made Linda Lovelace Gag," "Fuckin' In the Butt" and, of course, "Nigger Fucker."
Feel free to look those lyrics up yourself. We're not going to reprint them or even link to them because we like our jobs, thanks.
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