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The 10 Best Kanye West Items on Etsy

I have a slight obsession with Kanye West because I simultaneously recognize that he is really a genius while at the same time acknowledge that's a Hollywood fathead who isn't nearly as genius as he thinks he is. The result is a strange figure that elicits devotion, obsession, mockery, and honest zeal among his fandom. Today we take to the 1s and 0s of Etsy to see what those fans have created in his honor.

10. "Monster" embroidery Nothing says hip-hop like embroidery, and I mean that literally. See, it is actually saying something, in the above case a lovely circular cursive rendering of a line from West's "Monster" on a soft floral fabric. According to the creator, Gently Bent, the hand-stitched square can easily be cut down and sewn on your favorite jacket or bag. The sentiment has a kind of hidden brilliance, almost Serial Mom in a way.

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9. Candles Considering the controversy West ignited for appearing as Jesus Christ on the cover of Rolling Stone, it's only natural that you would want to complete the image with some wonderful religious candles. Covers on Wax specializes in these recreations of album artwork on your beloved Dia de los Muertos candles, and his execution of The College Dropout is a pretty damned good piece of work. The candles are unscented.

8. Poster Kanye deserves some credit for opening up the rap world to more electronic elements by sampling Daft Punk on 2007's "Stronger." The helmeted duo appeared on this year's Yeezus, and it looks like a fully function, cross-genre bromance is indeed in full swing. Celebrate this meeting of the minds with a gigantic poster by Amazonas Posters. Printed with "the latest printer technology," it comes in eight pieces for assembly at home. Board to mount not included.

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7. Cat costume If you're like my wife, you were recently wondering what you're going to dress your pets as for Halloween; if you're like me, it was if that sort of thing will get passed down genetically to your children and whether or not there's a test you can take to make sure it doesn't. Not So Kitty Shop offers the perfect Kanye ensemble for your cat to wear just long enough for he or she to decide to piss on your pillow.

6. Artwork Kanye West's "Gold Digger" is neck and neck with Cee-Lo Green's "Fuck You," because there is nothing better than watching white people stumble as they try to quickly decide whether they're going to use THE WORD! Thanks to Lyrical Artworks, you can have that premium example of a lyrical masterpiece represented in colored dots... your guess is as good as mine, folks.

5. Painting The artist behind this painting is Jamie McLeese, and it's almost good enough to make me look up whatever Kardashian this is supposed to portray. Almost, but not quite. The combination of pop culture confusion mixed with a heady does of "ewwwwwww" is certainly worth the $15 she's asking for it.

REWIND: 10 Most Amazingly Bizarre Paintings of Obama on Etsy

4. T-shirt Now, what in the hell does this horrid thing have to do with Kanye West? Haven't the faintest clue, my friends. I'll let the description speak for itself...

Absolute Fame Corrupts is based off the lifestyle or endless pursuit of fame. Many celebrities endlessly peruse notoriety, fame, and accomplishment. I created this design as a visual commentary, that maybe those "social climbers" are a bit zombie like in a sense.

Zombies are one-dimensional beings who long for nothing but the taste of brains, there is a direct correlation. Perhaps at some point celebrities do become zombies. Corrupted by the things they own and the admiration they receive, I felt a good example of this person is Kanye West.

This design will be the first installment of my collection, practical visual art for supporters of my work to buy.

Mr. West? Please lock your door... you seem nice and apparently there are some wack jobs with your name in their mental Rolodexes.

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3. Cat sketches In the '70s and '80s cartoons had a simple formula when the ratings dropped: give them a monkey and put them in space. In the here and now the Internet has a similar philosophy; add cats and insert directly into your nightmares.

Kanye and Aziz Ansari are portrayed here as bestest of kitty friends by Sleepy Bowie, though I imagine your friend options are otherwise limited when you're a cat with a freakin' human head.

2. Earrings If there is anything that all the world can agree with Kanye on, it's the lyrics to "I am a God." Not the God part, though, just that those in the world who provide croissants should indeed be as fast as possible in providing them because they are the most awesome of bread-based foods. Now Artwork by Mallory has accessorized the sentiment in earring form, thereby leaving even less doubt as the urgency with which we desire croissantitude. Thanks Kanye/Mallory/Obama!

1. Vegetable art Finally, since we were speaking of things Kanye considers himself, instead of a god here is Jon Loves Art slightly tweaking that sentiment in color pencil portraying West not as a deity, but as a vegetable. A vegetable, we might add, that clearly takes itself way too seriously. $125 is way too low for such pop-art genius.

Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.

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