The 5 Stupidest Things Musicians Want You to Have In the Kitchen
Earlier this week, we talked about all the stupid cookbooks that are out there either written or endorsed by celebrity musicians. For the most part, they were just endorsed because, and this gets down to the heart of the problem, musicians are musicians, not chefs. They don't know anything about cooking! Why would you buy a cookbook with a musician's face on it? That's like buying a book on do-it-yourself auto mechanics written by a banker. But I digress.
Cookbooks aren't the only stupid things musicians want to put their faces on and sell to you. Kitchenware isn't even the only stupid thing musicians want to put their faces on and sell to you, but we'll stick to the kitchenware for today. See, it's not enough to just cook the recipes they endorse. You should also use the cooking ware they endorse, as you'll soon find out.
Marilyn Manson brewed and endorsed absinthe. That about says it all, doesn't it? And really, who would possibly be surprised?
The only thing less shocking than Manson's "shock rock" antics are the ridiculous things he'll do for money and to perpetuate his image. Strangely enough, his fans will buy into it lock, stock, and barrel, no matter how ridiculous it gets.
Just as a warning, this stuff won't actually make you hallucinate or turn you into a brilliant gothic writer. That was a myth. Actually, guys like Hemingway just drank it because they were misers and absinthe was the cheapest booze you could get in Paris (where they had gone to escape Prohibition in America).
But Manson's all about the myth, so don't let this hold too much bearing in your mind.
4. Metallica Solo Cups and Ice Packs
Having a party? Metallica's got you covered specialized black Solo cups that feature their logo on it. At only a dollar a cup, you can serve up to 50 people for the low, low price of $49.99. As an aside, are you beginning to understand those sell-out accusations Metallica got in the 90's?
Well, OK, if thinking about that price makes your head hurt, don't worry, head on over to your freezer and grab your Metallica ICE PACK. (See top.) That's right, for only $11.99 you can own a gel ice pack with "Metallica" and "Broken, Beat and Scarred" written on it. With steals like that, why would you shop for your kitchen anywhere other than the Metallica store?
3. Eddie's Evil Brew Wine
OK, so you've got your Metallica Solo cups and what do you put in them? If you're a classy consumer like me, you put wine in your plastic cups.
For that, Iron Maiden has something for you. As per the description, Eddie's Evil Brew is a "Cabernet Sauvignon" and an "eternally fearsome blood red wine." And you can get it for just 17 Euros (about 22 dollars), at least when it's in stock, making this one of those rare times when the wine you're drinking is cheaper than the cup you're drinking it out of.
Of course, if you're a true Maiden fan, you'd have to drink this out of an official Iron Maiden leather tankard and that will run you about 65 dollars...
2. Beatles Cookie Jar
Ever since I was a kid, I always dreamed of having a container for my cookies related to the Beatles. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. The Beatles store has just what I'm looking for, in this commemorative cookie jar in the shape of a yellow submarine.
Given the size and shape of the thing, I'm not sure how many cookies you could really fit in there unless they were like those bite-sized ones, but it's not really about the cookies. It's about having a Beatles jar in which to theoretically put them. This one will run you about the same price as the Iron Maiden leather tankard, so you may have to make a choice there, though.
1. AC/DC Barbecuing Equipment
OK, so it's summer. (Or was.) You're barbecuing. You've got your Metallica cups and ice. You've got your Iron Maiden wine and even though you feel like it's a little unmanly to drink wine at your cook-out, it's Maiden so it's OK. You've got your cookies in a Beatles cookie jar for the kids. Now, to round it all out, you need AC/DC's complete line of barbecuing equipment.
AC/DC has an oven mitt for you, an apron, and even a cover for your BBQ pit and all you have to do is provide the barbecue pit itself and the beef (which I hear you can buy from Wine-O on the cheap these days) and you're good to go! Altogether, the AC/DC stuff will cost you about $120, but for those about to rock, these things are necessities.
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