"Leave me alone right meow” — Hissed fiercely by girl dressed as cat laying down in front of food trucks, after someone tried to wake her up
"I want him to put his dick in me tonight, not her" — drunk crying girl in line for food
"I ain't never heard white boys harmonize like Boyz 2 Men before. That was sick." — Security guard on Band of Horses
"I just wanna get tangled in those chains and kiss his sweet face" — Man at Portugal. The Man. Fancy-Pants tent set
"Dude I can't do the tuck and fold, it'll stick out” — Guy with boner wearing short Texas flag shorts and no shirt
"These aren't freckles; they're sunspots"
"I don't want to wipe the dirt off my feet, because it's protecting me from the sun"
"He sounds like Prince having an orgasm" — man in crowd on Gary Clark Jr. when he sang his love song
"One per customer is really just a suggestion” — Attendees swarming the free tacos at the Taco Bell truck
"I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I feel not worthy to be front row for Welcome 2 Houston & The Suffers! This is awesome!"
"Am I doing this right?" — random white girl awkwardly dancing the EDM shuffle during Skrillex
"Definitely not" — her best friend
Girl 1: "Hey... don't go in there, someone is pooping right now...."
Girl 2: "But the door is unlocked." (ignores and opens the portapotty anyway)
Girl 3: *** SCREAMS!!! ***
Girl 1: *** laughs hysterically****
"Hey dude, if R. Kelly pees on me, can you take the photo of it for me?!"
"Uh-uh Mr. Security Man! That is my mother over there! Y'all let her in please!" — Suffers singer Kam Franklin
"Are you lost?
"Yes... I can't find my friend Josh."
"Let me help you find him." (proceeds to yell ‘JOSH! JOOOOOSH! JOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!’ at the top of his lungs)
"Nope, didn't find him!"
"Check out the booty on that chick!"
"That's a dude, dude!"
"Still a nice booty tho!"
"Hey baby, what's up?!"
*** hiccup ***
"My bad dude, didn't mean to step on you."
"Hello beautiful, want some company?!” — The same really intoxicated frat boy hitting on every girl as he walked over to see Major Lazer
"First let me hop out the muthafuckin' Porsche!” — Proceeds to do the Whip, then the Nae-Nae
"Yeah... she's pretty cute....HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST FLASHED HER BOOBS!!!
"That was awesome!” — during Tove Lo
"You don't even know any R. Kelly songs!"
"Yes I do! The one about being trapped in the chocolate factory with black panties on, or something like that."
"Who is this?"
"This is Skrillex! He's one of the founders of Major Lazer!"
"Hey Mr. Devin The Dude, may I take a photo with you?"
"Give me a minute... I'm in the middle of flying my drone right now."
"DAT PIZZA DOUGH!!!!" — Gio Chamba
"This is like, trap rap." — girl erroneously describing RL Grime to her friends
"All these colors are amazing!" — the same dude a minute later, during a moment when there really wasn't very much color at all
Guy: "It's SO hot. (pointing to nowhere) I'm going to go see that band over there."
Guy: I have absolutely no idea, but I don't care" — a Ben Harper fan who couldn't take the heat"
I feel like she is performing just for me" — a dude in my row, clearly on hallucinogens, referring to St Vincent
"Are they doing crossfit?” — after seeing someone dragging one of the duffle bags laid out across the venue for people to sit on
“She’s changing her status to ‘Dehydrated'” — two girls talking about a person who was pulled from the barricade and taken backstage at G-Eazy’s set because she was passing out. She was seen backstage recovering and being on her phone.
“Just remember that after the party, it’s the afterparty and after the afterparty, it’s the hotel lobby and after that it’s the 14-year-old girl. He’s child molester, don’t go!” Someone shouting at everyone and no one heading towards the R. Kelly show.
“Dude she’s 48, I think her Peaches are withered.” Two dudes talking about the teaches of Peaches.
“I think Peaches is really Annise Parker. Seriously, have you ever seen them together?"
“She should’ve showed her boobs at the end. More people would have stayed.”
"You’re so smart to wear a dress. We had to spend forever getting our shorts down in the bathroom because they were stuck to us."
“You have part of a Doritos Locos Taco shell embedded in your back. Do you want me to get it out?"
"Es mas caliente que el culo del diablo.” — Mariana Saldana of Boan during their early-afternoon performance. (Translation: "It's hotter than the devil's asshole.")
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SHOW ME HOW
“There’s no windows or a wall, but the sweats dropped down my balls! All you females crawl!” — random shout of Lil Jon’s famous "Get Low" hook with a twist about being outdoors
“How did you get muddy in a parking lot?"
Why do all the young EDM fanboys have to dress like Magnum P.I.? Who made this a thing???
Soooo many preppy, lanky white dudes chanting every Drake sample as if it were their personal anthem.
Where is everyone getting all these faux metallic tattoos? They kind of look like something one would buy out of a plastic egg in a mall gumball machine.