The Best Things We Overheard at Free Press Summer Fest

The Best Things We Overheard at Free Press Summer Fest
Photo by Jim Bricker

"Already attacked by the Cracker Jack'd"

"I got laid last night, it was a good night"

-- Mariachi El Bronx

"Crazy people watching, man..."


-- like it was their first time

"I think we're spending more time pretending we're watching shows that actually watching shows"

-- some bro to his bro-ette girlfriend

"Yeah. I like to play Guess That Drug"

"Coach Davis?"

-- some recent graduate to his friends after apparently seeing Coach Davis
The Best Things We Overheard at Free Press Summer Fest
Photo by Selena Dieringer

"Really though, who actually gives a fuck about an Oxford Comma?"

The sweet sounds of Phish coming from the Southernmost Falafel stand upon our exit. Made me think for a second I wanted some falafel. Just for a second, though.

"I don't drink beer, beer is for ugly girls"

-- some ugly girl on our walk in

After high-fiving someone who was riding on someone's shoulders: Guy 1: You know what would have happened if she had fallen off his shoulders after that? It would have been... Guy 1 + Guy 2: Death by high-five! Guy 1: We should all go that way.

"Wu-Tang Clan? That's where Cee Lo got his start, right?"

The Best Things We Overheard at Free Press Summer Fest
Photo by Marco Torres

"I mean, I love the Fugees..."

-- some girl obviously hesitant to see Lauryn Hill

"Bill Balleza!!!" said some guy to Channel 11 newscaster Ron Trevino as he walked by. "We all look the same," Trevino retorted with a smile.

"Hey, you've got cheese on your mouth"

"Free Wu-Tang is better than expensive Wu-Tang"

-- some guy in reference to the 100 or so people perched on the hill outside the gate

Cop screams in her best cookie monster voice, "I gotta peeeeee!!" into the Federal Reserve gate security box. Gate opens.

"Eh, I don't think there's nothin' in that anyway"

-- Lady working the FPSF bag check as she casually gazed into my purse, which could have literally had anything in it and would have gone unnoticed

"Why would they make JUPITER the SMALLEST stage??"

-- random guy who came up to debate astronomy

In the middle of an argument about where to meet some girls: Bro 1 (grabbing Bro 2's shoulders and looking at him square in the face): Dude! Be a team player!

"You are familiar with Gambino, yes? How would you describe to her?"

The Best Things We Overheard at Free Press Summer Fest
Photo by Jim Bricker

"Your stadium is very beautiful!"

-- Jack White

Man to friends: "So, do you think today will be cheaper than yesterday?" Friends, unanimously: "No."

FLOSStradamus: "Any time we play this, we make everyone get down low!" Man next to me, non-ironically: "Oh nooooo. I do NOT have the quads for that."

"What time does Passion Pit go on?"

-- a really confused guy you could say showed up late

"OHMIGOD it smells like pot"

-- Captain Obvious

Story continues on the next page.


The Best Things We Overheard at Free Press Summer Fest
Photo by Jim Bricker

"She was doing this (imitates Wolf of Wall Street chest-thumps). I almost punched her in her fucking face"

-- girl to a group of her friends about another girl after the Welcome to Houston performance. I think she wasn't a fan of Leo not winning an Oscar or something.

"I don't fucking care about his problems, I have all my money and all my beer!"

-- a shirtless bro rather content about his lot in life compared to someone else in his party whom he couldn't find

Drunk girl waves over to someone in the VIP area: Drunk Girl: asfalsj asdfoaho fasdfabo. VIP Guy looks puzzled. He moves closer: VIP Guy: I don't understand what you're saying. Drunk Girl: dfasdfhoi dafsd bibuer beer. VIP Guy: I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying. Girl 2 (leaning over Drunk Girl to address VIP Guy): Do not give her any more alcohol.

"Step then, bitch!"

-- one young woman challenging another to a fistfight for nudging ahead of her in the mud pit moments before Vampire Weekend's set

"I hate those fucking beach balls. They always hit me in the head"

-- Unlucky woman in the Die Antwoord crowd
The Best Things We Overheard at Free Press Summer Fest

"I ate enough paper to fill a notebook." -- Random guy explaining to listeners his FPSF acid experience

A fest-goer with an empty cup asked a stranger if he'd accept $10 in exchange for six ounces of his unopened beer. The beer-holder said that seemed a bit steep. Empty Cup reminded Beer-Holder since he had the commodity, he could set the price. Once the economics lesson ended, one guy had a filled cup and the other had five bucks.

"We're all human water balloons"

-- One young man explaining water conductivity to his friend under the threat of storms before Vampire Weekend's set

"Wow. Half the crowd cheered and half the crowd booed"

-- Jack White commenting on the audience reaction to mentioning the Astros, after explaining he and his kids had seen a ballgame Saturday at Minute Maid


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