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The Dong Show

Here at Rocks Off, we do a lot of research for our wildly popular and intellectually enlightening album cover slideshows. As part of that research, we've found many of those albums to be highly concentrated on the male goinrular area. So at long last, and just in time for the weekend, we've compiled many of them into one pace. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Dong Show. Prrrrrrrobably not safe for work.

The Dong Show

Black Dick for President: We're not sure what it means to be "black-rated," but we're absolutely positive we want a Plain Talkin' Records t-shirt for Christmas.

The Dong Show

King Missile: Yes, this is the album with "Detachable Penis" on it. Not too subtle.

The Dong Show

Captain Beyond: This one's a bit of a "Where's Waldo?", except Waldo is a corkscrew robo-boner.

The Dong Show

1999: Check out that number 1 in 1999. The Little Mermaid VHS cover was less ambiguous.  

The Dong Show

Goblin Cock: That has to gather some serious dust bunnies.

The Dong Show

Lennon & Yoko: They were emotionally naked in their music, so why not get literally naked on an album cover? We're kind of glad Ringo never tried this.

The Dong Show

Manowar: Wow. No actual nudity here, but we can tell we're only seconds away from some serious shenanigans. And we don't think that fur gauntlet is going to be used for a light foot rub.  

The Dong Show

Nemesis: Must we? Oh, all right.

The Dong Show

Nirvana: Hard to believe this album has been making people vaguely uncomfortable for 18 years now. Wonder what college this kid's picked out?

The Dong Show

Nigel Pepper Cock: You can't see under the Jupiter missile, but trust us when we say that Nigel is firmly, throbbingly happy to be standing in the middle of this road in his Reeboks.  

The Dong Show

The Kinks: We'll let you guess what "Percy" is English slang for.

The Dong Show

Sticky Fingers: Wait, wasn't this beast unleashed already?

The Dong Show

Tino: We don't know if Tino is a gay performer, or if this album cover is just really, really 80's. Either way, his package is the absolute focal point of the picture, kind of like most of Rocks Off's yearbook photos.  

The Dong Show

Achtung Baby: Do you see it? Huh, do ya? Proceed to next pic for a close-up.

The Dong Show

Adam Clayton: There it is! That's U2's bassist Adam Clayton, by the way, breaking down preconceived notions on U2's weirdest album (and their best, according to many).

The Dong Show

Whitesnake: Yeah, okay, so technically the only nudity is female, but I think we all can see what's really going on here.  

The Dong Show

Xiu Xiu: Is this a Xiu Xiu album cover or a picture we stole from craigslist's "Missed Connections" section?

The Dong Show

Liars: Yeah, we've blackmailed some of our friends with Photoshopped pics, too.


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