Gothtopia moved this week, and even though we've been reduced to shelling out cash for professional movers rather than proving our manhood by hauling furniture by ourselves until 3 a.m., there was still a fair amount of backing and forthing to do between the old place and the new place.
With an iPod on the fritz, we were forced to bask in the green glow that is Houston commercial radio. We were hanging out on 106.9 FM when Robert Smith's voice came on and told us that other days of the week could go take a hike. It's Friday he's in love with.
"Friday I'm in Love" isn't the best Cure song in the world, especially if you're like Gothtopia and you worship Bloodflowers as the acme of the band's output. Still, as far as breakaway fluffy pop hits by otherwise spooky artists go it's pretty good. We were singing along when our brain downshifted and our mouths suddenly we're singing, "Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday/ Tomorrow it is... FRIDAY."
No, no, no, no, goddammit. That is not fair. Rebecca Black is not allowed to override The Cure on the desktop of our brain. We've resisted it for long enough, but this sin cannot go un-bitch-slapped. Rebecca Black? We're taking our day of the week and the black from your name back in the name of all goth.
To execute the decision we dressed a fruit bat in a tiny little Night of the Living Dead T-shirt in order to summon the Gothic Council. Joining the Council this week is fashion designer Batty, Model Skarah Black, spooky dessertier Lynda Rouner, and his excellency The Count of Montrose.
Ed. Note: The opinions of the Gothic Council are strictly their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rocks Off or the Houston Press. Although sometimes they do.
Batty: First off, Rebecca Black is so not worthy to use the name Black as her last name, even if it is her real name. I think we need to take that one back for the team, because there is nothing black like our souls about her.
Also, Robert Smith already used the word Friday in a very famous song and it seems a sin for anyone to make any other ode to the day. Especially one that does nothing but let us know that Sunday is the the day after-wards from Saturday.
I mean, at least in Robert's Friday ode he lets us know that Sunday always comes too late, because it does, who the hell likes Sunday anyways? It's just a precursor to Monday. Lame.
So yes, Rebecca Black, I have voted is not allowed to sing about Friday and am not in love with her song. My black soul does not approve.
Sarah Hill: Your black soul, Batty? That sounds very Soul Train of you. And here I thought I was supposed to critique her "talent." I had no fucking clue this was about hues.
Batty: Well Rebecca Black is definitely not the new black.
Sarah Hill: She's preteen black.
Batty: She needs a preteen smack in the face.
Sarah Hill: She's getting that on the comments of her video. She's getting the preteen let-down. A cleansing of the confidence level, if you will. Who knows? She might end up living up to the "Black" name if she ends up suicidal over the comments.
Batty: I was a total ripe little shit when I was a preteen, but all my bad gothic poems in the world could win a damn literature noble prize compared to that piece of slop "Friday" song she sings.
Gothtopia: A note to our readers. We've read some of that poetry. The argument could be made either way.
Lynda Rouner: Personally, I think the vampire Heather Campbell has said all that needs to be said on the subject of Rebecca Black. However, I think it's unfair to take her name without providing a new one in return. How about Rebecca Beige or Rebecca Auto-Tune?
Sarah Hill: Good ones, Lynda. How about Rebecca Off White or Rebecca Eggshell White?
Lynda Rouner: No, Rebecca Puce because she looks like she has fleas.
Sarah Hill: That would be Rebecca Itchy. I vote Rebecca Bland.
Gothtopia: The verdict thus far is that Rebecca Black shall henceforth be called Rebecca Bland, and also that the song "Friday" shall no longer be called by any name whatsoever, these things be held under the jurisdiction of goth. Does this conclude business?
The Count of Montrose: I wish to deliver a statement to be added to the final verdict.
Gothtopia: Go ahead, your grace.
The Count of Montrose: Verily, this Harlot possesses such innate stupidity as to not even be able to decide where to sit in transit. If she were worthy of the surname Black she would be able to transmogrify her visage into bat-form and fly.
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Not that it matters. His Highness the Count of Montrose is unconcerned with the days of the week. It does not matter after several decades when one is an immortal vampire every night. One does not punch a time clock for that.
Her name is now Rebecca Bland. If only she had been embraced by the Daughters of Cacophony.