The Seven Worst Back To School Soundtracks
Sorry Kanye, Twitter is over capacity.
Going back to school sucks, and Rocks Off feels the pain of students far and wide. We've got another two semesters left before we graduate from college and get to move out of our parents' house. Yay!
In the meantime, there are a few songs/albums/artists on our iPod we're especially hoping don't come up on random play as the fall semester begins.
1. Kanye West, anything
Songs from The College Dropout and Late Registration specifically make school even more painful. West, true to form with the persona he's built for himself that we all know and love (or hate), touts his success in spite of what professors thought of his performance during his short stint in college.
So although a student might find solace in his lyrics after a being berated by a teacher, West's lyrics serve only as a reminder to kids that a degree isn't essential to success, which is the last thing we need to hear after a long day of classes.
2. The Beach Boys, "Be True to Your School"
All right, all right, we get it. School pride! Woo-hoo! Unfortunately, this song too can only make a bad day worse. Chances are if you've got pride in your school, it's because you're involved in some sort of student-run or -oriented program that allows you to hone your skill set. Otherwise, you have a false sense of pride in your university and are most likely attending UT (just kidding... kind of). Rocks Off has pride in our school, but we don't need poppy tunes to remind us of it or why.
3. Asher Roth, "I Love College"
Some of us work hard in college and rarely get a chance to let loose and party our asses off. So when we hear songs like this one in which Asher Roth tells listeners that he hopes he never has to graduate, many students (ourselves included) squirm in their car seats and wonder why some kids even bother going to college in the first place.
You don't need to be in college to party, people. But then again, if you don't go, mommy and daddy might not pay for your booze, room and board or that nasty drug habit you picked up. Then again, maybe college is the best way to go, no matter what kind of student you plan to be.
It doesn't help that the song sucks, either.
4. Zac Efron and crew, anything to do with High School Musical
Singing is cool, and music is a lot of fun, which may be the underlying meaning of both the song and its movie counterparts, but that doesn't redeem it from being god-awful or making a mockery of the American high school. From what we remember, it wasn't all that fun, everyone didn't get along and when conflicts arose, they weren't resolved quickly and with feeling.
We remember squabbles in the locker room over insignificant crap like how important so-and-so's dad's job is, which usually ended in a few fists being thrown and grudges being held for at least two years.
This is a much more honest version of High School Musical, but it's almost as annoying.
5. Taylor Swift, "Fifteen"
Like the rest of you, Rocks Off was forced to listen to Swift's most recent single countless times during its heyday on the Billboard charts. And what bothers us even more than Swift's faux-country twang and piss-poor lyricism is the fact that she reaches such a young audience, and we're constantly reminded that we're not getting any younger.
Gosh dang, it's tough growing up. But hey, at least she's not suggesting young girls get married to their high school sweethearts and give up on their dreams. Maybe Swift's songs have a saving grace after all.
6. Rufus Wainwright, "The Art Teacher"
This song just makes us feel weird because, no joke, at our high school, there was this one art teacher who was sooooo fine. Of course, we didn't get to take any of her classes because she joined the faculty during our senior year. Instead, we "studied art" under the instruction of one of those hippie, chalk-eating, there's-no-wrong-way-to-draw-a-tulip ladies. Damn you, Rufus Wainwright. Damn you.
7. Vitamin C, "Graduation (Friends Forever)"
If you haven't already graduated high school yet, have a bunch of friends and think things will stay that way for the rest of your life, you're wrong. It's tough to deal with at first, but then you get busy and don't really have time to miss any of your old friends. And we could never stand these type of songs, radio hits recorded solely for the grads-in-waiting market.
However, anyone who hasn't already been through a graduation (or long-distance move) may very well believe that they'll be friends forever. Which is why they keep making these songs.
Every now and then, though, when Rocks Off is really dreading the day ahead, we remember the hop in Billy Madison's step as he headed back to school and realize hey, at least we don't have to go through grade school again.
We're pretty young, though, so we're sure there are more than a few we missed from other generations. Fill us in.
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