MORE

The Top 10 Reasons We Love Ted Nugent

The Top 10 Reasons We Love Ted Nugent

Sunday, Rocks Off is going to the Pasadena Fairgrounds to see Ted Nugent and the Charlie Lucas Band headline a charity event to raise money to secure homes for wounded military vets and their families. It's for a great cause and benefits the Bay Area Home Builders Association's "Operation Finally Home" venture which helps vets get mortgages on housing. (Click here for tickets.)

Ted Nugent has been a lightning rod for controversy almost from the first time he left the Amboy Dukes, donned his trademark loincloth and began running his mouth about hunting, women, and politics. But we applaud the guy for at least speaking his mind, even if it some of it may be displeasing to us. Surely we all have family members who say things we don't care for but we still love them for being who they are.

In this case, we love the 'Nuge for writing "Wango Tango" and staying sober for almost 40 years when we can't stay clean for six hours. That's a feat unto itself. Pretty the entire Cat Scratch Fever album should be celebrated. Some of those riffs on there are obscene. Even the Beastie Boys sampled one of the opening lines from "Homebound."

We stumbled across this 2005 blog when we Googled "Ted Nugent" and "hate" to see what would come up. The crux of the blog is that "Lisa" hates that her husband listens to Nuge on the regular. Plus it comes from a super-duper liberal writer, for whom Nugent has always made an easy target.

Let's rebut every single of one of Lisa's issues with the Nuge. Rocks Off's comments are in boldface below Lisa's thoughts. Obviously.

The Top 10 Reasons We Love Ted Nugent

1. Right Wing Wacko Conservative

"Keep in mind, I also used to be very right wing and conservative myself. I was never, however, a wacko about it. He's so right wing he makes the Michigan Militia look liberal."

She never says why she changed over, and who is to say what's wacko and what's not? Nugent hasn't started a cult camp or claimed he was Jesus Christ reborn. Yet.

2. "Little Miss Dangerous."

"A song written to be played at strip clubs. Shows the true musical genius hidden behind that right wing wacko facade."

Almost all good rock and roll is made to be played at strip clubs, because people who go to strip clubs may buy the record of the song that they got a lap dance to. Rocks Off will admit he bought the second Staind album in 2001 after his first trip to a strip joint.

3. Rock Stars Should Not Have Political Agendas.

"Any doubts, see Bono of U2."

Everyone has a political agenda, and comparing Nugent to Bono is hilarious. We would sell the naming rights to our firstborn to hear the Edge play the opening riff to "Stranglehold."

 

The Top 10 Reasons We Love Ted Nugent

4. He Doesn't Even Live In Michigan Anymore.

"He used to live out near Jackson and now lives in Texas. (Lucky Texas Misfits!). He can hardly be properly referred to as the Motor City Madman since he has never even lived in Detroit and doesn't even live in the state anymore."

So what if he lives in Texas now? Oh, that's right. All Texans are card-carrying racist gun nuts. Has she ever been to Austin? The streets are paved with weed there.

5. Let's Hunt Something Down And Kill It.

"I have nothing against hunting as long as you use what you hunt for meat, but being so zealous and enthusiastic about it is just plain wrong. Ted Nugent's Kid's Hunting Camps is just plain sick and wrong. Enough said."

We agree that glorifying hunting is kind of weird, but that's life in America. That's like complaining about television or rap music at this point. We'll agree with Lisa once Nugent sets up a camp to hunt humans.

6. "Terminus"

A song about an underage girl Ted wants to schupt. She steals her father's new Cadillac and gets killed by a gravel train. Ted is bummed he doesn't get to schupt her. A lovely sentiment.

Actually, the song is called "Terminus Eldorado" is about a teenage girl driving her dad's car and wrecking it. If anything it's a lesson to not take the car out when you aren't supposed to. This song should be played at driving schools all over the world.

The Top 10 Reasons We Love Ted Nugent

7. Did I Mention He Is A Right Wing Conservative Wacko?

He's done nothing to represent Michigan in any sort of positive manner at all.

Yet again, America is a free country and you can believe what you want. It's not illegal to be a conservative, liberal, snake-handler or transsexual. And as for not repping Michigan well, we know plenty of people who are worse examples than Nugent to represent the state. To Michigan's credit, they don't even have the death penalty there.

8. "Wango Tango."

"A particularly nasty song. Choice lines: "You get the bed propped down/ You get her butt propped up/ You put a little talcum powder on it." Nice. Tells me more than I ever hoped to know about Ted Nugent's attitude toward women."

This song is no worse than "Tutti Frutti" or any number of Jerry Lee Lewis songs. We don't get the talcum powder reference ourselves, but whatever. Any number of rap songs go further.

9. The Mullet.

"Didn't these go out of style like in 1989?"

Yeah, but hipsters have brought them back, so what's your point. And mullets never went out of style.

10. All Around Jerk And Idiot.

"Period."

Plenty of rock stars are jerks and idiots. Look at Liam Gallagher, Axl Rose, Scott Stapp, Chad Kroeger...


Sponsor Content