Yep, it's that time again. Almost Halloween, and you with no costume. There's no time left to execute some grand vision that might impress people you'd like to sleep with. (Unless you want to try these, from our sister blog Art Attack.)
That leaves you with only a couple of options: Sit around alone on Halloween with the porch light off and Freddy's Dead on the flatscreen, or drag your hump to Spirit to shell out big bucks for some rayon piece of crap that you've got a 38 percent chance of spotting on some other chud at the party your cousin's boss is throwing.
At least, those would be your only two options if it weren't for your close personal friends at Rocks Off. As luck would have it, we've been there before, and we know just what to do (we're pretty old). If you're reading this, chances are that you think you dress like a rock star already.
If you want to make a splash this Halloween without forking out cash like it's candy, it's time to make your idol worship a tad more explicit.
The key to a successful Halloween costume is instant recognition from everyone you meet. Rock stars are recognizable by design, and they also happen to get laid a lot, which is a plus. The trick to staying within your non-budget is to pick out the stars with defining features and accessories that are nowhere near designer couture. That's right: This year, you're going as a scumbag rocker.
Below, you'll find ten rock-star costume ideas that will cost you practically nothing, including all of the accessories you need to pull them off. This Halloween --throw one together, get out of the house and try not to die young.
10. Chris Brown
What You Need: * Black magic marker * Gigantic sunglasses * Necklace * Your regular old hipster clothes
How easy is this one? Chris Brown is an R&B superstar who just so happened to recently get himself a gigantic, instantly identifiable new feature: His neck tattoo of Rihanna's bashed-in face!
Or whatever the hell it's supposed to be. Point is, it's big, it's ugly and it's on his neck. Show up sporting one and everyone will think you're clever (and possibly evil). The clothes shouldn't be a problem. When he's not rocking shows, Chris Brown basically dresses like Justin Bieber: Sagging skinny jeans, white belt, sunglasses and a snapback. Don't act like you don't have all that on your bedroom floor right now. Nah -- the key to pulling this off is that tattoo. It's topical and whatever.
So grab that magic marker and get to work! It's best to have an artistically inclined friend try to recreate the image on your neck, but his tattoo is shitty enough that you might be able to do it yourself. Don't be afraid to add a few more of Brown's tats, and don't forget to scribble in his baby mustache and beardlet, too.
9. G.G. Allin
What You Need:
* Dog collar * Human excrement
Rock and roll has produced few animals as terrifying as Jesus Christ Allin, better known as the revolting G.G. To pay the man proper tribute, it's going to take a lot of guts and not many clothes.
Put on that dog collar and strip bare-ass naked. Next, go ahead and smear some of that poop on your body. (If you're a total puss, you can use a poop substitute, we guess. Try Nutella.) For extra authenticity, you can stop bathing between now and then and do your best to grow G.G.'s Pai Mei mustache. It doesn't get much more frightening than this.
This costume may run you the risk of spending a few days in jail, but hey, that's the life of a scumfuck. Embrace it.
8. Bret Michaels
What You Need:
* Bandanna * Blonde wig * Eyeliner * Your stupidest club shirt
Sure, you could go as '80s Bret Michaels, assuming you have spandex pants and a few bottles of hairspray lying around. But that look is neither current nor classic. A better bet is Rock of Love-era Bret, and it's easier to pull off, too.
You don't even need hair -- or Brett doesn't, anyway. Just slap on a blonde wig and tie on a bandana over it. If it looks completely cheap and unbelievable, congratulations, you are now Brett Michaels. Round out the ensemble with eyeliner and your favorite embroidered jeans and club shirt from Target. Ed Hardy will do in a pinch.
7. Flava Flav
What You Need:
* Some ugly fucking hat * Cheap sunglasses * Clock on a string
The best hype man in rap history always makes for a good Halloween costume. Why? Because as long as you've got a gigantic clock around your neck, nobody will have to ask who you're supposed to be! And if that doesn't work, he's even got a highly identifiable catchphrase.
As with the best costumes, your clothes don't matter a whole lot, here. Flav is liable to wear anything from a zoot suit to a gently used wifebeater on any given occasion. Just pull that clock down from the wall and tie a string to it. Complete the look with a pair of cheap sunglasses and the ugliest hat you can find. Sideways snapback, Viking helmet, Jughead crown - whatever. As long as it's suitably crazy-looking.
(Note: No matter how funny you think it'd be, do not attempt blackface. It bums people out.)
6. Sid Vicious
What You Need: * Razorblade * Travel lock * Glue
Famous punks make for excellent cheap Halloween costumes. After all, who knows more about creating a distinctive look on no money? And dating back to the earliest days of punk, almost nobody has ever been as famous or as distinctive as Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious.
If you're a punk fan, chances are that you thought you were Sid Vicious at one point in your life. It's possible that you still do. In any case, this one's not hard to figure out. If you're wearing a shirt that isn't covered in swastikas, take it off. Use the razorblade to carve "Gimme a Fix" into your chest. You're halfway there!
To get that trademark Sid hair, it's best to just not wash yours for a month or so. Otherwise, Elmer's Glue or Paste might work in a pinch. Next, find a small padlock (try luggage stores!) and wear it around your neck. Now anyone who doesn't immediately recognize you as Sid deserves to be spit on.
5. Paul Wall
What You Need: * Aluminum foil * White tee * Fitted Astros cap
The key to a passable Paul Wall costume? Duh: The grill! Now, you can go down to PlazAmericas (the artist formerly known as Sharpstown Mall) and buy yourself a custom gold grill for about the same price as that wack Michael Myers costume at Spirit, but if you're secretly afraid of minorities, get creative with some tin foil, instead. Don't forget, you need top and bottom teeth.
That foil can also be used to create the Chick Magnet's other outsized pieces of jewelry, so don't be shy - Paul isn't. To complete the look, all you need is his unofficial uniform of a gigantic T-shirt and fitted Astros cap. A pair of sunglasses wouldn't hurt, either.
4. Nicki Minaj
What You Need: * Fright wig * Ass padding * Outrageous makeup * Lots of spandex
Dressing up as Nicki Minaj is fun and easy (uh, we heard.) The first thing that you need is that hair, so if you're squeamish about walking around looking like a My Little Pony for several weeks, skip the hair dye and purchase the nearest clown wig, instead.
Unless you're genetically gifted or a plastic surgery addict, you're probably going to need to fluff that ass up a bit. You'd be surprised how well putting on every pair of underwear that you own works at giving you the illusion of a giant butt. Peeing will be a challenge, but these are the trade-offs to going cheap.
We suggest lots of spandex for Nicki's attire, but really, you can probably just wear the craziest, brightest getups in your closet. Remember: Less is more. Don't forget the hideous makeup and nail polish, either.
3. Henry Rollins
What You Need: * Athletic shorts * Black magic marker
While we're partial to Henry's early-'80s, van-dwelling hippie look, those of you with short hair have a better shot at pulling off his Weight-era Rollins Band image instead. You're going to kind of want to be in shape for this one, because there will be zero shirts involved.
Instead, have a friend use the magic marker to recreate Rollins' trademark Search and Destroy sun tattoo on your back. Henry's got various other tattoos you'll want to draw on, as well, but that one's going to be crucial to your proper identification. Add a pair or two of black basketball shorts, an intense stare, and maybe a little mascara, and you're golden.
What You Need: * Blonde wig * Face paint * Shredded T-shirt * Tiniest pants available * 10,000 bracelets * Glitter
Slutwave superstar Ke$ha's dumpster-glam style is perfect for a cheap Halloween costume, because it's DIY by design. Super-short cutoffs and a long, cut-up t-shirt are the basics that you'll need, but the real key to this costume is going to be the accessories.
Bizarre, blue face paint and copious body glitter is a must, but don't forget the layers of cheap jewelry. And hey, don't be afraid to experiment: Try on a dumb hat! How's that spirit hoodie look covered in glow-in-the-dark paint? Let's find out! For your feet, try stack heels, combat boots or one of each. Scribble some nonsensical words and phrases on your arms and legs and shovel cocaine up your nose. For Ke$ha, the crazier, the better.
What You Need: * Bowtie * Sunglasses * Pony-riding dance moves
Let's face it, if you want to make waves dressing as the fall's hottest rock star this Halloween, you've got one choice: PSY, the Korean weirdo behind the inescapable "Gangnam Style."
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Luckily, PSY's got a pretty identifiable style. You'll definitely need a bowtie and sunglasses, and if you've got 'em lying around, a tuxedo shirt and jacket wouldn't hurt. Otherwise, any dressy collared shirt will do. Slick that hair down like Don Draper, and your look is complete... Almost.
Particularly if you're lacking any Asian heritage, people are going to wonder who the hell you're supposed to be. Until, that is, you unleash your devastating Gangnam Style dance moves. Ride that pony, son! There are about 30 trillion YouTube tutorials out there, so there's no excuse not to master the easiest dance in the world before Halloween.