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Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

Saturday night, Girls Gone Wild will be at Scout Bar in Clear Lake looking for the hottest talent the Bay Area has to offer, or something comparable. A camera crew will be out there filming an edition of the video series, looking for "The Hottest Girl In America" at the venerable NASA-area rock club.

Craig's Hlist has fallen asleep watching the GGW infomercials one too many times, but we have never actually bought a copy of any of the reality vids. For a few months we passed into slumber with the strains of a steel drum and coeds screaming and giggling for what seemed like every other night.

It's more aggravating white noise than tantalizing touch-yourself fodder to us. Plus it's weird to see naked girls who were born in 1992 in the newer ads. Funnily enough, a few girls we graduated high school with were in one of the videos, but it was kind of a hush deal. We doubt you get any cash from these things, but the prestige of your dad's friends seeing the boobs he bought you for graduation is better than any amount of money in the world.

Craig's Hlist gathered the best music-video evidence of girls going wild that he could find to get you ready for Saturday, even the little-seen version of Buckcherry's feminist anthem "Crazy Bitch." Thankfully, we limited ourselves to one Aerosmith video.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

1. A Perfect Circle, "The Outsider": If chicks in bikinis came up to Craig's Hlist with guns and demanded things, they would probably get what they wanted. We aren't proud of that fact. God bless the Bikini Bandits.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

2. Against Me!, "Thrash Unreal": This song might as well be about every girl that Craig's Hlist knows at this point in his life. OK, except for the track marks and junkie parts.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

3. Aerosmith, "Crazy": We really miss that group of videos from Aerosmith's Get a Grip. The band tried to make clips with newer girls after Alicia and Liv went on to the movies, but it wasn't the same at all.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

4. Christina Aguilera & Lil' Kim, "Can't Hold Us Down": Remember when Christina was, like, a thug? And then she was goth? And then the pin-up girl phase? Now she's like an understudy Gaga. Anxiously waiting for Lumberjack Christina.

 

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

5. Britney Spears, "Piece Of Me": We guess every Britney Spears video is of her going "wild," if by "wild" you mean not sitting on a couch crying and eating.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

6. Pink, "So What": We have a nasty fascination with Pink that only gets worse by the day, even if she looks like she could bench-press Craig's Hlist and rip us in half like a telephone book.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

7. Miley Cyrus, "Can't Be Tamed": We would more than likely go see a movie about teenagers with huge wings than vampire children. Miley starts the video as an eagle and then she's a peacock? Then the wings just disappear. Kids must be dumb as shit these days. And apparently all bird-people put makeup on their cleavage.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

8. Buckcherry, "Crazy Bitch": We love this song more than we should, maybe more than we are supposed to like that last Miley video. For a period of time, anytime we went to less than reputable bars where this song was playing, it was like standing inside a venereal-disease pamphlet. Secondly, this "bitch" can't be too crazy if she went to the police academy and is - by all appearances - an officer of the law.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

9. Kelis, "Caught Out There": In most music videos, you know a girl is crazy because she rips all your books and records off the shelf. Craig's Hlist has fought with plenty of chicks, and never had our John Grishams and Mangiones thrown to the ground. Russian brides have more decorum than they are given credit for.

Top 10 "Girls Gone Wild" Music Videos

10. Trina, "The Baddest Bitch": Craig's Hlist saved the baddest and bitchiest for last. The best line in the video is when Trina laments that she wishes she could be a virgin again so she could start having sex at the age of ten. We aren't sure if that is "wild" or just "batshit."


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