Top 10 Musical Wikileaks We'd Like To See
Bigger than Bowie and Bing, we tell you.
Ever since WikiLeaks began the publication of what is claimed to be over a quarter-million United States embassy cables last week, we've been pondering what secrets, phenomenon and other ephemera could be lingering out there in the music world, awaiting discovery.
Here's Rocks Off's wish list, but we'll wait patiently for this whole "Cablegate" thing to blow over before demanding some answers.
10. Elvis and Tupac's Collaborative Album: This has got to be the granddaddy of all music conspiracies, right? That neither Elvis nor Tupac are really deceased, they're just hanging out in some secret location, incognito?
If it's true, there's got to be an album somewhere. You cannot possibly expect us to believe that the two of them haven't start making some noise together after all this time. In fact, we heard that they ate the missing piece of JFK's brain as a source of inspiration.
The Smiths' longstanding silence is well-publicized. Every time the wind catches rumor of them being simply broached with the possibility of reuniting for just a night, out come the vows and pledges of adoring fans who would gladly drop some money in the hat.
We've heard figures in the millions promised from single sources - but we'd love to see what the cumulative dollar amount over time - although that still probably wouldn't be enough pounds for them to bury the hatchet for a few hours. Hell, Morissey and Johnny Marr probably wouldn't even piss in the same urinal for an obscene amount of money.
Much has been made of Insane Clown Posse's "Miracles music video," which a sweeping litany of blogs and other important news sources took plenty of time to mock it over the past eight months. But perhaps more intriguing to us is the mystery of what a Juggalo does not consider magical.
Sure, a bitch ain't one. But just what are Jay-Z's problems? He mentions a few cops, harassment, rap-magazine drama, Afro American stereotyping - in the verses of his iconic song. But what else is on Jay-Z's problems list? Beyoncé using up all of his toilet paper?
Everyone's seen the now-infamous photo of Evil Elvis purchasing kitty litter. But what Rocks Off really wants to know is how many cats he's got.
What are their names? How did he come by them? Does he feed them pieces of people who request Misfits and Samhain songs at his shows? In fact, we'd pay good money to see a legitimate photo of Danzig with his feline[s].
The stories are legendary. Gene Simmons didn't do all that pleasing with his infamously long tongue, after all. Between all of the now-aging rockers who have claimed the illustrious numbers they notched on bedposts 'round the world, there has to be a pretty significant list of kids.
We have a right to know those persons upon whom we can place the unrealistic burdens of potential genetic prowess. It's how our society works.
OK, here's a serious one for a change. A comprehensive exposure of payola, guilty parties, and resulting overplayed hits would reveal quite a bit about our music world. It might even provide some change that gave independent bands a chance once again. Just because we had an official investigation almost a decade ago doesn't mean that pay-for-play is dead and gone.
Although Murphy himself has always had a reputation for clean living, remember Rick James co-wrote and produced "Party All the Time."
What's a post about leaking information without some good old-fashioned assassination conspiracies? The 27 Club is filled with an array of names cut down in their prime, whether it be by "suicide" or "overdose" or mere "accident."
But who's to say that we really subscribe to any of the so-called "truth"? Where's the leak that dumps the real information about the stifling of these young voices who held so much influence over our culture?
We're pretty sure if someone produced a photograph of Morrissey on a bearskin rug amongst members of both sexes; mid-orgy, bathed in blood and eating a cheeseburger, entire countries would implode.
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