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Top 5 Rejected Musician-Licensed Perfumes

Top 5 Rejected Musician-Licensed Perfumes

The Sex Pistols have their own perfume now.

Go ahead and let that marinate for a second. Your brain is probably trying to reject it as fact, so maybe you'd better have a look at the press release.

Lemon? Black pepper? Patchouli and leather? Sooo... it smells like someone left a lemon-pepper rotisserie chicken inside a 1973 Dodge Dart, right? Or something? Shouldn't it smell like blood, booze and vomit? Or rotten English teeth? Actually, shouldn't it simply not exist at all?

You may think that if they'd make a Sex Pistols perfume, they'd make a scent for anyone. Not true. Here are some that made it all the way to the prototype stage, but were rejected in the end.

1. Ted Nugent's "Canned Hunt"
Top 5 Rejected Musician-Licensed Perfumes
Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray

What the Press Release Says: "This exotic, earthy scent was designed in part by The Nuge himself and serves the dual purpose of making you smell great while rendering your scent undetectable to most animals. Featuring secret blend of herbs and spices not unlike the kind the Motor City Madman uses to spice his own meats, it'll be sure to attract like-minded ladies while putting a stranglehold on any nearby liberals."

What It Really Smells Like: Wild boar jerky, deer urine and gunpowder.

2. Motorhead's "Ace of Scents"
Top 5 Rejected Musician-Licensed Perfumes

What the Press Release Says: "Did Thor himself just crap a lightning bolt up your nose? No, you've simply experienced Motorhead's electrifying new scent for the first time. A whirlwind blend of oils and spices, "Ace of Scents" evokes the epic and the primeval as well as the streetwise and gritty. Once they smell you, they'll know you're dancing with the devil. You won't live forever, but they'll always remember the way you smelled. Can also be used as motor oil (40w)."

What It Really Smells Like: Gasoline and crystal meth.

 

3. Justin Bieber's "Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby"

What the Press Release Says: "Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby - or, as we like to call it, B5 - brings the Bieber sensation straight into your face! Manufactured with the highest-quality high fructose corn syrup and distilled inside an iPod, B5 will make your friends think you just spent a cuddly post-snack naptime with Justin himself! You'll be the envy of everyone in your clique! Seriously, be careful, they will kill you."

What It Really Smells Like: Marshmallows, gummi bears and girl sweat.

4. Lady Gaga's "The Perfume Monster"

What the Press Release Says: "Daring. Innovative. Shocking. All words that describe Lady Gaga, and now, that also describe her scent. Manufactured from an elaborate blend featuring acid-washed jasmine, stomped dragonflies, boiled tiger semen, and other exotic ingredients, The Perfume Monster is a juggernaut of sensation, pleasuring and repelling at the same time. Take your senses on an adventure of mystery and romance. Catch the Monster™."

What It Really Smells Like: Taint.

5. Kanye West's "Grandiosity"

What the Press Release Says: "Kanye West has changed the face of pop music with his unique attitude, and now, that attitude is available in a bottle. It can't be quantified. It can't be explained. It can't even be detected. But you'll know. You'll know that of all the people around you, you're the only one who has the class, the fortitude, the sheer will to wear Kanye. Don't let 'em tell you nothin'. Grandiosity: Don't Just Smell Better. Be Better.™"

What It Really Smells Like: It is completely odorless.


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