MORE

Toy Story, Now Starring Houston Rappers

Toy Story, Now Starring Houston Rappers

At the Serrano household - among the toddler sect, anyway - the Toy Story trilogy is generally regarded as man's greatest creative achievement, followed closely by Reese's Sonic Blasts and poop jokes. There was no way our two boys weren't being Woody and Buzz Lightyear for Halloween this year.

We actually bought their Toy Story costumes about three weeks ago, but since then the boys have refused to wear anything else. When dressing them in the morning, it's either you get their Buzz and Woody outfits or you get ready for two three-year-olds to act like total assholes all day.

This past week, we've been letting the boys watch increments of the movie after the dinner. It's been a Toy Story-palooza. The movies, particularly the third, are fairly good. So we've been thinking a lot about them. Which is why when you click the jump you're going to see a list of some Houston folk that we've recast into the roles.

Booyah.

Toy Story, Now Starring Houston Rappers

Woody

This one pretty much writes itself. Woody is the leader of his gang. He's as passionate about his beliefs (even when it'd be more convenient and less worrisome if he weren't) as he is loyal to those that stand with him. This one has to be Trae.

Toy Story, Now Starring Houston Rappers

Buzz Lightyear

Easy: Bun B. Bun is the closest to a superhero we have here in Houston. He's respected and liked by everyone. Also, Buzz is from another planet. Bun is from Port A. Have you ever been there?

Toy Story, Now Starring Houston Rappers

Lotso, Toy Story 3 villain

Lotso appears to be a loveable, huggable, good-intentioned fellow but, as it is, turns out to be the most manipulative and conniving villain in the Toy Story trilogy (and second all time, losing out only to Scar from The Lion King). If we had any balls, we'd cast J. Prince in this role.

But we're spineless, so we'll go ahead and throw The Box into this role, which works out especially neatly since Woody (Trae) is his main adversary.

 

Toy Story, Now Starring Houston Rappers

Sid (the villain from Toy Story, or less a villain and more just a disturbed kid)

J-Dawg. It has to be. He's just been killing everyone. If we woke up tomorrow and found an email in our inbox that was a link to a news story about how J-Dawg had a home full of tortured rappers (toys) and recently tried to strap a fellow rapper to a gigantic bottle rocket, we'd be like, "Yeah, AND...?"

Toy Story, Now Starring Houston Rappers

Rex

Rex certainly carries the capacity to be intimidating - he's big and strong and fierce and generally an okay dinosaur - but he mostly spends his time as comic relief. Anyone here follow Slim Thug on Twitter? That's his whole thing. He's funny even when he's not trying to be. Remember when he joked about hating when you're trying to sleep with a girl and she says something serious like, "I was raped once"? Probably the greatest tweet in history.

Toy Story, Now Starring Houston Rappers

That Crane Machine Full of Those Little Green Aliens

Oooh, that's H.I.S.D., in part because of the spaciness of their new album The Weakened, but mostly because there are a crap load of both. (That, by the way, will never get old. You can expect a "Man, There Are A Lot of People In H.I.S.D." joke in every column that mentions them for the rest of time. There are just so many of them. They multiply like goddamn gremlins.

Thanks for your continued support. Include any parts we missed in the comments. Where does Devin play into this? 'Face? Bushwick? Ro?


Sponsor Content