Welcome back to Turning the Screw, Rocks Off's weekly rap post. It probably won't rhyme, at least most of the time. E-mail tips to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks, homies.
Single of the Week
Brooklyn's Uncle Murda was
. Said the airport employee who figured out the ID Murda presented was not his own, "I don't know why he did that. I mean, I've never even heard of the guy.His own ID would've been a good enough disguise."Coolio got caught with cocaine at LAX.
This was not to be a fantastic voyage, apparently.
Nas is far less critical of dying 13-year-olds than he is of FOX News. The release date for Weezy's rock album has been given the ominous "TBD" label. That's too bad, because we were looking forward to totally trashing it ASAP. Florida rapper Dollar Bill was gunned down by police during a standoff. Eminem is planning on releasing two Relapse albums this year, the second of which is tentatively titled Relapse 2: Now You Know The Reason That I Wait Long Periods Of Time Between Releasing Albums Is Not Because I'm A Shut-In-Type Of Genius, But Because I'm Terribly Annoying When Not Consumed In Small Quantities.
DMC is set to host a reality rap competition. Really, how many clever ways are there to say that something is a bad idea? Did you know that Tupac wrote a movie while he was in jail in 1995? Us neither, but word has leaked that it is now in production. Lil' Kim's debut on Dancing With The Stars is inching nearer and, truth be told, we're kinda sorta looking forward to it. Rick Ross's album has had its release date pushed back. Said Ross's PR guy, "We just didn't feel like the clearly-fabricated beef between Mr. Ross and Mr. Cent was at its crescendo. We're really looking to capitalize on that."
Chris Brown and Rihanna have reportedly reunited. In an attempt to numb our pain - we thought this was our in with Rihanna - we spent, like, at least an hour playing this game on YouTube where you throw shit (literally) at Brown.
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Oh, before we forget, we'd like to send a heartfelt apology to a reader "Dirvish D." Last week he sent the following email and we meant to include it in but we forgot because we're so smart:
"Shea did you see this Chris Brown beating Rihanna thing? I wonder if he hit with an umbrella, ella, ella, eh."
Nice work, Dirvish. Young Buck's clothing line has gone belly-up. We've got our fingers crossed that another sobbing phone call to 50 is in the works. R. Kelly is being sued by a private investigator for $300,000 for "services rendered." Seems kinda high, doesn't it? In related news, we'd like to mention that, pending our successful completion of the Private Investigator Exam, this is our last article for the Press. Snoop Dogg is a Muslim now, or something. Contrary to what you may have heard, Crooked I has neither been shot nor killed. Houston Rap Video of the Week Because you either missed it or forgot about it.