Regular readers may be aware that Rocks Off has become somewhat obsessed with NBC's 30 Rock lately. Actually, that's not true. He's been obsessed with the show since the first time he saw it - Alec Baldwin is a comedic genius, and oh, that Tina Fey - but its recent tendency to insert plotlines about Janis Joplin and allusions to ZZ Top has really driven him around the bend.

Like the guy at the end of the bar still convinced Martians killed JFK, Rocks Off is sure there's a red-blooded red-state Texan embedded deep within the Obamaniacs on 30 Rock's writing staff. Sure enough, under the condition Rocks Off never, ever reveal where he got this information, this boot-scootin' 30 Rock mole - who turns out to be somebody pretty high up on the NBC flagpole - leaked a few of the show's upcoming two-stepping storylines. Curious?

1. The Girlie Show's musical guest for the week, Lucinda Williams, gives Liz Lemon (Fey) some cynical but sage relationship advice. Which she ignores, but does take up the guitar as a hobby.

2. Despondent over being dumped by his mother's Puerto Rican nurse (Salma Hayek), Jack Donaghy (Baldwin) abandons his staunch Republican beliefs and winds up with a most unlikely date to Barack Obama's inagural ball: Houston congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee.

3. Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) inadvertently invokes the ire of guest star Trae da Truth when a lyric he repeats on the air, without acknowledging the source, becomes a catchphrase sensation. Luckily, Liz is able to avert an Ozone awards-like beatdown when she and Trae discover a mutual passion for Scrabble.

4. Jack is forced to roll up his sleeves and produce TGS all by himself when Devin the Dude shows up and gets the entire crew - including Liz - completely ass-baked. While Jack is in hell, Liz makes a curious discovery: the only time she doesn't have the munchies is when she's stoned.

5. There's trouble on TGS set when Kennenth the page's (Jack McBrayer) smooth-talking, fiddle-playing Cousin Boudreaux (Austin native and The OC star Ben McKenzie) visits unannounced from Orange and sparks fly between him and Jenna (Jane Krakowski)... and comely production assistant Cerie (Katrina Bowden). Meanwhile, Jack develops a serious addiction to Gulf oysters; Dr. Spaceman (Chris Parnell) is forced to take drastic measures, which he doesn't seem to mind at all.

Note: None of this is actually true. That Rocks Off knows of.