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Vote or Die: The Last VJ's Top Five Videos of the Week (NSFW)

Vote or Die: The Last VJ's Top Five Videos of the Week (NSFW)

Welcome back to The Last VJ, music fans. YouTube had its music video awards just recently, and if you saw that then you know that the same out-of-touch mainstream crap ideals that ruined popular music videos starting a decade ago is still going strong in the minds of the money men.

That's why here at Castle Last VJ we scour the depths of The Matrix for the true gems of genius. Of the five this week, one will be crowned Lords of all Cinemaudio, while the rest shall serve as slaves to their 2 Legit 2 Quitness.

Let the battle rattle, rage, and roar! Here's the videos.

Worhol, "The Darkness" Big win for the greater Houston area from last week, and the spook-metal outfit Worhol took home the prize in the voting over some pretty stiff competition. It's a little cheesy, but the gothic goodness offers some real scope for a local act on top of being a hell of a good ethereal metal track in a time which such things are as rare as hen's fangs. Good on you, Worhol. Let's see if you can make it round numero dos.

REWIND: Last Week's Music Video Round-Up

Erasure, "Gaudete" I've always liked Erasure, but I don't think until now I can honestly say I love Erasure. "Gaudete" changes my feeling by being completely mad in a hundred different directions. First, it's from their upcoming Christmas album, Snow Globe, which sounds bloody daft until hearing them absolutely kill this traditional Latin carol.

Then they teamed up with Martin Meunier, who workd on Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach to create a stop-motion gothic masterpiece of weird winter worship. Seriously, if church was more like this I'd start going. Erasure brought their freakin' A-game on this one.

Jason Derulo, "Trumpets": Jason Derulo's "Trumpets" is either the stupidest thing ever made or an act of absolute unparalleled genius. I honestly can't decide. On the one hand, the sheer ridiculous over-the-top aspect of his love song and opulent player-dom seems to take more piss out of the rap world than the guy who empties Kanye's bucket. On the other, he just seems so sincere in his completely corny delivery.

"Is it weird that your eyes remind me of a Coldplay song," he croons, and then a marching band comes flying out of nowhere while his stripper girlfriend slowly descends her pole with nothing but the power of her crossed ankles and her mighty buttcheeks. Plus, all the embarrassing '80s rap costumes you could ever want. I don't know if Derulo is brilliant or awful, but I couldn't stop watching this video.

More videos on the next page.

 

Jackson and his Computerband, "G.I. Jane (Fill Me Up)": I have to warn you... this video is not even remotely safe for work. Like, if you get caught watching it they will not only fire you they will have an armed guard escort you off the premises and maybe call the cops. I can't even believe it's on YouTube. They usually take shit stuff like this down, so enjoy it while you can.

It's an animated outing from Myzyk & Moriceau of Division & Mathematic that calls to mind the elegance cartoon style of Rock and Rule. The similarities end there, though. "G.I. Jane" is the most powerful example of feminine rage against unwanted sexual advances since Carmilla Voiez's novel Starblood, and if possible even tops that work.

Dick... dicks are everywhere, and our silhouetted heroine is out to cut them off at every turn like a patron saint of castration. No sentiment is spared, and it's a glorious work of uncomfortable madness that will send all but the least squeamish running. Don't say I didn't warn you.

REWIND: Music Video Round-Up From Two Weeks Ago

Billy Talent, "Running Across the Tracks": You know a video is good when it makes you miss Liquid Television, and that's exactly what director Alon Isocianu did with Billy Talent's tune. It's not normally music that I would dig, what with the Tony Hawk soundtrack feel and the fact that they try to rhyme "criminal" with "prison cell," but holy hell it's an exciting dystopia cartoon adventure they have unleashed. Equal parts Akira and Harlan Ellison's "A Boy and His Dog," we rocket through a hellhole of torture and dog soldiers in a quest from freedom, then vengeance. It's one of the most exciting videos I've ever seen.

Jef has a new story, a tale of headless strippers and The Rolling Stones, available now in Broken Mirrors, Fractured Minds. You can also connect with him on Facebook.

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