We're Swingers With a Small Child. Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Dear Willie D:
My husband and I are swingers and we also have an open relationship. When we swing, we are together and neither of us can have sexual relations with someone else unless we’re together. When we’re open, we can do whatever we want with whoever we want. The only restrictions are neither of us can bring anyone to the home we share for sex.
I have only told one of my close friends about this, because I’m sure if I tell the others, they will be judgmental. They have status in the community, so having a friend who is a swinger probably wouldn’t sit well within their extended peer group.
We have a five-year-old daughter who is starting to ask questions when she sees different people at our house who are strangers to her. We are not going to abandon this lifestyle as this is who we are. Should I tell her now, later, or allow her to figure it out on her own?
Get your daughter out of that environment. It’s not safe to have strangers walking around your house; especially when you have a small child. Kids don’t want to know what their swinger parents do in bed any more than they care to know what their conventional parents do in bed.
But if you must reveal your lifestyle to her, it’s probably best to tell her later — like when she’s 100 years old.
IS IT EVER OKAY TO LIE IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Dear Willie D:
I’m having reservations about the stability of my relationship with my fiancé. From the outside we appear to be the perfect couple, but on the inside we lie to each other all the time about the most insignificant things. I sometimes lie and tell him I spent $400 at the mall when the truth is I spent $490.
When he asks me did I enjoy a movie that I know he likes, I’ll say I liked it when I really want to tell him it was horrible. He lies about different things, like having lunch with a male coworker when it was really a female and walking my dog. He even lied about the lawnmower being out of gas because he didn’t want to mow the grass.
How can we have a lasting relationship when we lie to each other so much and the foundation of a relationship is truth?
The truth is a huge part of the foundation of any relationship, but let’s face it, everybody lies from time to time. Some lies are just more harmful than others. If you lie to protect someone’s feelings, that might be acceptable. But if the truth will eventually come to light and pain is inevitable you may as well come clean before the truth is told without your control.
In the end you have to be the judge of your own words. I’ve heard a lot of lies, but I have to salute your fiancé. Lying about the lawnmower not having any gas because he didn’t want to cut the grass was not only ingenious, it was funny as hell.
MY BOSS TREATS ME LIKE A DOORMAT
Dear Willie D:
I work on the docks for a large retailer. I have been working this position for ten months. My supervisor told me to move a pallet of products from one truck to another for a return to factory, which I did. The next day he started fussing at me because we ran out of inventory for the products he had me return.
He called me a liar, and refused to acknowledge that he told me to return the products, even though I had a witness, not to mention that the witness was his nephew. Anytime I’m in the break room relaxing after I’ve finished my job duties, he makes me go out to the floor and organize items. Never mind that isn’t part of my job description.
It’s like he’s trying to find a reason to fire me. But then he gets all nice and tells me he’s going to give me a raise. Then he walked in the break room the other day and said he changed his mind. This was done in the presence of several coworkers to humiliate me. I can’t afford to quit my job, but working for him makes me feel like less of a man. How do I get him to leave me alone so I can do my job?
When you allow someone to mistreat you and get away with it, you are telling them it’s okay to mistreat you. Unless you like the pain, stand up for yourself. If you get fired, so what? Get another job and file a grievance with your company’s HR department. If you feel the need to take it farther, sue your boss and the company.
Always stand up for yourself. You don’t have to be rude or aggressive, but be firm. If you stand on shaky ground, you will get knocked around until you eventually fall.
WHY DO GUYS AND GIRLS CRAVE GIRLS WHO DRESS SLUTTY ON INSTAGRAM?
Dear Willie D:
I know girls on Instagram who dress like sluts, making thousands of dollars doing club appearances and endorsing products, and all they do is show their asses all day. This seems to defeat the feminist agenda. What is going on in the world when females who dress half-naked get more respect than the ones who exhibit class?
I think the women who post half-naked pictures get more attention, not respect. Most are just trying to be accepted like everyone else, so even if they are dressing half-naked for attention, I don’t believe they deserve “all” the hatred. They’re not liking their own pictures and following themselves.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for his best answers.