What Can Lady Gaga, Lil Wayne And Other Stars Claim On Their Taxes?
Photo illustrations by John Seaborn Gray
Got your taxes done? No? You poor dumb bastard. They won't let you just not do them, you know that, right? Unpleasant as it is, finding out you owe still more money after having paid a sales tax all year, it's nothing compared to what the government will do to you if you don't give them their cut. Willie Nelson knows this. So do these guys...
Some time last year, Lil Wayne bet that people would love to see him pick up a guitar and rock out. He bet wrong... sort of. Although you won't be able to find anyone who admits they like his 2009 rock album Rebirth, somebody's buying that shit, as it debuted at No. 2 (indeed!) on the Billboard 200, and was certified gold last month. Nevertheless, critics panned his reinvention, apparently willing to accept borderline retarded rhymes from a rapper, but not from a rocker. Maybe that says more about the critics than Lil Wayne, but it hasn't stopped his reputation and image from taking a pounding. If Lil Wayne's next album performs poorly (almost a certainty, considering what a punchline he's become), he can always claim a deduction on his tax forms for gambling losses. Hey, sometimes as an artist, you've got to take a chance. Kanye and Beck do it all the time, but it just doesn't work for everyone. Lil Wayne... sorry, man. We don't know what to tell you. Take it up with the IRS and leave the guitars alone.In August of last year, Steven Tyler of Aerosmith fell off the stage and broke his shoulder, also injuring his head and neck. Somebody should have told him not to walk that way, ZINGGGG! But really, that kind of shit is no joke for a 61-year-old man. Considering the injury most likely set in motion the chain of events that caused him to become addicted to painkillers and almost get fired from Aerosmith, Tyler could deduct some serious medical expenses, and possibly some job-search expenses if the rest of the band do indeed give him the boot.
Fatboy Slim hasn't had an album of his own get decent reviews since 2000's Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars. He even changed his name to try and surprise the critics into giving him higher marks; it didn't work. Everything David Byrne touches, however, soon gets covered in the hot, sticky praise of ejaculatory music critics. So you could damn well call it a charitable donation that Byrne decided to make a concept album about Imelda Marcos with Slim, bringing Slim's median album-review score slightly up (and Byrne's way down). Wait, what? Imelda Marcos? The lady with all the shoes? Ooookay, sure, you weird bastards. Wait, come to think of it, they're both British citizens, so we're pretty sure they just have to take whatever money they earn and load it into Buckingham Palace with snow shovels, so that the wacky gaggle of fashion-pageant contestants that make up the royal family can stuff it into silk mattresses upon which they can then have deeply disturbing inbred sex with one another. Cheerio!
Technically, those are Lady Gaga's work clothes. That means every single outfit is deductible. Damn. Maybe she IS a genius.
Did you guys know Rob Zombie released a sequel to Hellbilly Deluxe earlier this year? If you weren't paying attention, you probably missed it completely. Is it any good? Does it sound like his old stuff? No idea. The album was delayed for at least a year because of Zombie's commitments to film projects like Halloween 2, then delayed again due to lack of promotion. Wait... it got delayed due to lack of promotion? That appears to imply that there then ensued promotion for the album, but we never saw jack shit about it. Hell, we only know about it now because we were searching for info on any new Zykos albums, and Zombie, Rob immediately precedes those guys alphabetically. So, since Zombie is too busy making films of wildly disparate quality to properly promote the sequel to his most successful solo album, we figure he can now deduct the money for his music career as a hobby expense, because let's face it, that's all music is to him now. Looking forward to the day when the only new Rob Zombie music you get is the soundtrack of whatever horror movie he's directing this year? Yeah, neither are we.
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