What's a Good Job For a Pothead? Help!
Photo by Jeff Fitlow
WHAT’S A GOOD JOB FOR A POTHEAD?
Dear Willie D:
I’m starting college next fall. I need to know what a good job is for a cool-ass white boy who blows weed every day.
Basing your career choice on whether or not you can smoke weed don’t sound like a smart plan to me. Almost any reputable employer will require you to be tested for drugs at some point. Maybe you should start your own business or become a rapper. If you choose the rapper thing, don’t ride on tour buses or planes, and don’t drive.
Rappers are the worst travelers at hiding their sticky from the po-po’s.
Dear Willie D:
With the holidays fast approaching I have to make decision about whose house I’m going to visit first for Thanksgiving, my dad or mom. Since they divorced, it’s stressing trying to figure it out with both of them living on opposite ends of the city, about a 45-minute drive apart.
Both my mom and dad refuse to break with tradition. Each of them wants to start serving food at 2 p.m., like they did when they were married. How do I get them to break their gridlock, so that I can enjoy spending quality time with one without the other being mad?
A good compromise would be to alternate holidays. Tell your parents you will spend this Thanksgiving with one, and next Thanksgiving with the other, and so on. Or spend Thanksgiving with mom, and Christmas with dad. You could also have Holidays at home, and make your parents come to you if they want to see you.
Take control of your happiness, and stop allowing yourself to be pressured into fitting into other people’s plans, including your parents’. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and relaxation, not chaos and anxiety.
Here’s another thought: Since your parents are so stubborn, and refuse to break with tradition, tell them to get back together, and you’ll see them both at 2 o’clock sharp. Happy Holidays!
MY MAN IS CHEAP
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Dear Willie D:
I’m a female, and I just turned 30 last week. My boyfriend doesn’t like to go out because he says it’s too expensive. He won’t drive to our friends’ house 30 minutes away because he says it’s too far, and he doesn’t want to waste gas.
For my birthday he bought me a card, and a designer handbag, which would’ve been nice if it wasn’t fake. The bag had a lining with Dooney & Bourke glued on instead of the leather label sewn inside. He told me that he bought it from his friend’s cousin for $200. That type of bag would have cost at least $700.
He makes sure that I have all the necessities, but he barks at anything extra. How can I get him to stop being so damn cheap?
Dooney & Jerked:
I don’t think you can. Men rarely change. After a certain age, a man who is a big spender might cut back on his spending habits, but a man who is cheap will almost certainly die being cheap. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help, but you should have known dude was cheap after you first had sex with him, and he put his used condoms in the washing machine.
WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO APOLOGIZE TO A FRIEND I HURT?
Dear Willie D:
My dad is a huge fan of yours, and suggested I ask you how to solve my issue. I’m a 15-year-old boy. I said some things to a friend about another friend, and it got back to that friend. I said his dad left his mother for a younger woman, and his mother is an alcoholic. Now the friend who I talked about wants nothing to do with me.
I texted him a message basically saying I’m sorry, and called but it went straight to voice mail, and I didn’t want to leave a message. We are high-school students, and see each other every day.
We have the same friends, so it gets awkward at times when he’s talking to a friend at school and I walk up, or vice versa. I realize what I said was wrong and messed-up, because he really is a good friend. What do I say to let him know my apology is sincere?
A sincere in-person apology is generally the best way to go, but if you feel that’s impossible, exercise your options. You did good sending the text message. But if you feel you left something out, send him another one, or call. If it goes to voicemail, say what you have to say and leave it at that. The rest is on him. Don’t sweat it if forgiveness doesn’t come immediately. Some people are quicker to forgive than others.
Going forward, never talk down on your friends, especially to mutual friends. It always gets back to them. Depending on what a friend said about me, I wouldn’t forgive no matter how many times he apologized. So be prepared to accept that even if your friend forgives you, your friendship may change permanently.
In closing, I’d like to leave you with one of the greatest motivational quotes of all time: Good friends are harder to come by than a chocolate covered roach in an emergency room. You need to know that.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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