Who Will Write The First "Osama Is Dead" Hit Song?
Now that more details are starting to emerge about Sunday's Navy SEAL helicopter raid that resulted in the death of Osama Bin Laden and several members of the al-Qaeda jefe's entourage - especially how the months-long planning and 40-minute firefight was planned in total secrecy, and executed without any of the U.S. squadron coming away with so much as a scratch - the general consensus, for better or worse, seems to be that was pretty fuckin' cool.
Although it could be years before the inevitable movie and video game based on Sunday's events are released, the cycle of pop music works a lot faster. Rocks Off predicts a song celebrating Bin Laden's demise will be on the charts by high summer; the only question is who gets there first.
Luckily, we get paid to think about this sort of thing, so here is a list of 10 likely - or not-so-likely - candidates.
Sabrina Carpenter: The De-Tour
TicketsSun., Jul. 30, 7:00pm
I Love The 90's: The Party Continues Tour
TicketsSun., Jul. 30, 7:30pm
2 Chainz - Pretty Girls Like Trap Music Tour 2017
TicketsFri., Aug. 4, 7:00pm
TicketsSat., Aug. 5, 8:00pm
Summer Slaughter Tour
TicketsMon., Aug. 7, 2:00pm
Comment: Even an Okie, especially "The Angry American" himself, should be smart enough to know this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And even a Texan ought to be smart enough to know we should never, ever pass up the chance to make a cheap Okie joke.
Prediction: Already in the studio.
Comment: The American Badass + Dead Osama = Slam Dunk.
Prediction: Phone calls out to hopeful collaborators Hank Williams Jr., Sheryl Crow and AC/DC's Angus Young.
Comment: Would complete the post-9/11 trilogy of sorts he began with "Let's Roll" and "Let's Impeach the President," and he's probably got some leftover licks from Le Noise.
Prediction: Thinking about it.
Comment: Worth postponing a hunting trip with Rick Perry.
Prediction: Will be a slow blues about how sad he is he didn't get to kill Osama himself.
Comment: The man who already bombed musician/Muslim relations back to the Stone Age with "Ahab the Arab" has no doubt been chomping at the bit to write a sequel to 2009's "Osama Yo Mama."
Prediction: Coming soon to a Branson theater near you.
Comment: In 2006, Bin Laden reportedly said he had such a big crush on Brown's wife Whitney Houston that he thought about killing her husband. Payback's a motherfucker, even posthumously. (They are still married, right?)
Prediction: If revenge is a dish best served cold, it doesn't get much colder than Brown's recent career.
Comment: Could the forever-in-sunglasses U2 singer put a potential Nobel Peace Prize on the line for the band's first guaranteed hit single since 2004's "Vertigo"?
Prediction: Never met a headline he didn't like, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark notwithstanding.
Comment: The California Gurl has never expressed much interest in politics, in her music or otherwise; on the other hand, she's got to have thousands of fans in the military.
Prediction: Exclusive iTunes-only single featuring bonus remixes by David Guetta and will.i.am, with proceeds going to the USO.
Comment: The Townes Van Zandt-loving lefty, who plays a solo Cactus Music in-store gig at 5:30 p.m. today, could resurrect the outlaw swagger of his Copperhead Road days.
Prediction: Doubtful. Victim of bad timing, as he just released the album I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive last week.
Comment: As Perry Ferrell proved at Buzzfest Sunday, even alt-rockers are celebrating Bin Laden's death. We assume Pitchforkers are no different.
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