Willie D says he likes to write on Sundays, early in the morning at his computer, in a comfortable chair in his living room. It's the perfect environment for him to get "in my zone."

"I think Sunday is just a lazy day," he muses. "I'm even better now that the Texans aren't doing anything. So my focus is real good."

The Geto Boys MC's voice projects street-knowledge authority as much on a computer screen or the printed page as in one of his old songs -- say, "Mind of a Lunatic," "Fuck a War" or "Gangster of Love." Only these days, Willie D is slinging his unique brand of candid but common-sense etiquette as the Houston Press's weekly advice columnist, instead of spitting outrageously X-rated lines that even today would make the pre-Are We There Yet? Ice Cube blush.

This coming Valentine's Day, Willie will reach two solid years of Ask Willie D, his column that was an instant success and regularly ranks among the Press's most-read music stories each week. Lately he says he averages about 30 to 40 letters per week -- not counting the people who solicit advice on Facebook, whom he refers to askwillied.com -- which he admits has led to a sizable backlog. When choosing his four individual letters for publication each week, Willie says he tries to reflect a broad spectrum of content the same way he would the songs on a Geto Boys album; in other words, "It's not a box of chocolates...it's more like a fuckin' bag of Skittles," he says.

This Christmas, the Press asked our Answer Man to choose ten of his favorite letters from the almost 400 that have appeared in Ask Willie D. His selections cast a wide net, to be sure -- groupie girlfriends, ugly boyfriends, adulterous preachers, exasperated mothers, foot fetishists and so forth. The only thing out of bounds, he explains, is "anything that's spewing hate."

"I'm good with debate," Willie allows. "I don't mind having a difference of opinion and shit like that, but I don't do hate."

However, Willie says he likes to throw in an ignorant letter every now and then, "just to remind people [to] look at the shit we're still dealing with; motherfuckers really do still think this way." The overwhelming majority of his letters, though, deal with relationships, whether of the familial or the romantic variety. The gender wars are likewise perennially popular.

"There's a lot of gender hate," he sighs. "A lot of gender hate."

His role, Willie figures, is to be a simple voice of reason; read his column and you know how rare that can be in the world at large. But he's also heard back from readers who have recognized their letters and contacted him later to say he saved their marriage or their business or even saved them from committing suicide. ("I've been thinking about posting more of those kinds of letters," he reflects.) Asked if the column has given him better insight into humanity, Willie doesn't hesitate before nodding his head.

"I think what it tells me is that we've still got a good ways to go when it comes to treating each other well," he says. "Because all of us need to be somebody's baby. I don't care if you're 60 years old, 80 years old, you need to be somebody's baby. You have to know that somebody loves you unconditionally, no matter what.

"It doesn't have to be an intimate relationship," he adds. "But you gotta have somebody that says, 'Hey, man, you my world.'"

Willie says the Geto Boys will return in 2015 but, intriguingly, that none of his letters has yet inspired him to write a song. However, the 48-year-old rapper admits his younger self might be all over some of them.

"If I was still doing those crazy, wild, ridiculous-type songs I did when I first started, like 'Bald Headed Hoes,' I probably would have been inspired after reading that article with a guy who was giving himself a blow job with the vacuum [cleaner]," he says. "That probably would have inspired me to some extent to write something."

He pauses for a second.

"That shit was crazy," Willie smiles. "I hit the floor when I read that one. That's one of the ones where it was like, you gotta tell somebody right away."

My Girlfriend Is a Groupie

Dear Willie D:

Once we got home, my girl couldn't take my clothes off fast enough. Her whole body was literally hot to the touch. As we made love, she started talking about how horny she was for the lead singer, Adam Levine. Playing along, I said, "if Adam was here in bed with you right now, what would you do?" Without hesitation, she proceeded to go down on me. The night was fun and adventurous, but I'm starting to wonder if my girl is a groupie. What do you think?

Playing Along:

The No. 1 rule in sexual intercourse is "don't judge." Your girl wants Adam Levine, but the chances of her being intimate with the rock star of her choice are slim to none. She can, however, do anything she wants with a virtual rock star, and you're it. But you can't be that guy all the time. He's a fantasy. You need to reserve him for traditional celebrations like birthdays and special occasions.

The next time you're celebrating something special, top it off per a special night with Adam Levine. Take her out to dinner, or if you're good at it, cook for her. Set the scene at home with scented candles, wine and of course a "nothing but the hits" list of Maroon 5 music. Make her call you Adam until you believe that's your name. When the time comes to make love to her, take her mind back to the nights when a man would stand at a pay phone until daylight talking to his girl.

Don't just put it in her body, inject your love into her soul and make her beg for one more night even though the night is still fruitful. With this love, show her the meaning of romantic misery as she pursues rapturous confirmation measured in hours that feel like a lifetime. Let the firmness of your hands, the stroke of your tongue and the moisture of your lips be the wake-up call that serves as a warning that she will be loved -- and if she finds it harder to breathe, then so be it.

More Ask Willie D on the next page.