Yes, We're Going To Kenny G. Got A Problem With That?
Yes, tomorrow night Craig's Hlist will be at Kenny G with your mother and your weird aunt who likes to buy you fertility crystals for the summer solstice. Kenny G intrigues us to the no end. Along with Michael Bolton, he was a part of a tag-team duo of pop culture musical dregs in the '90s. But that's why we want to go, and it's the same reason we went and saw Yanni last year and actually enjoyed it somewhat, even if most of the time we were screaming "What the fuck?" over the clamor of his synths. This is why it is imperative that we see Kenny G tomorrow night, over the protests of the Twitterati and the Facebook peanut gallery. Imagine us slowly falling into the molten steel like Arnold at the end of Terminator 2. Kenny G is one of those artists we find ourselves trolling around on YouTube for and getting stuck watching and/or listening to. It's gotta be messed up for our co-workers to walk by and hear some of the trash we listen to all day too. We can go Muhammadali, Danzig, Rihanna and then Cyndi Lauper within six minutes. We went through our YouTube favorites list and were disgusted to discover these gems. Yes, these all happened one time or the other, or at least a few times a week. Think of them as musical mouthwash so we can be clean and minty-fresh for all of you. Kenny G, "Songbird": This is shit is smooth and if you disagree, you haven't been to the dentist. Who says dentist office music is bad? We don't wanna hear indie-rock at the dentist. We want music to mix with the gas and the pills to make a surreal stew.
Lady Antebellum, "Need You Now": The hook on this is just magical and undeniable, and who hasn't wanted to see someone when they were drunk late at night? You know who agrees with us? Chris Wise from Buxton, that's who. Vanity "Pretty Mess": The "pretty mess" is regarding a particularly enthusiastic sexual affair, if you get our jizz, we mean drift. It's a bouncy fun song, and you know, it's filthy. Boys Don't Cry, "I Wanna Be A Cowboy": This video features Lemmy as a marauding cowboy, but we loved it before we even saw this on YouTube. Or maybe we did see when we were little and it somehow led us to Motorhead. Who knows? All we know is that we want it played at our funeral. Tanya Tucker, "Down To My Last Tear Drop": That's right, no more boo-hooing for Craig's Hlist. Not when this song is on. If you don't like Tanya Tucker's whiskey-stained voice, you can go to hell.
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