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11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

Love is in the air. Kids everywhere -- or, more likely, their moms -- are buying boxes of cheap Valentine's Day cards to hand out in the classroom.

It's a tradition that's been going on for years, and obviously it's not just for kids. But in days of yore, card designers could seem a little....creepy.

Like in these 11 examples.

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

11. The drugs make him hunt Those eyes and armed? The chicks'll be swarming at ya, kid.

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

10. As we die a slow, burning death This is like the last scene of Titanic, if it took place in a fiery hell instead of the North Atlantic.

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

9. She puts the lotion in the pumpkin It's not the double-entendres of eating and going deeper and deeper, it's the Silence of the Lambs way the dude's looking at his captured, helpless prey.

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

8. What could possibly be creepy about this? Offensive? Sure. But even if you take away the words, it still looks like you're getting a valentine from an 84-year-old grandma.  

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

7. Talk to the (Trojan Magnum-sized) hand You know what they say, baby: "Big feet, big hands, big..." Just pay no attention to my other hand.

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

6. Subtle. Very subtle The dude smiling eagerly as he thrusts something hard and long into the moist goodness of a woman clearly enjoying herself? We don't get what you're going after here.

5. Take me...and my sister We guess there's nothing inherently creepy about a threesome, but for Valentine's Day? And why do these women look like they're sitting in the window of some Amsterdam bordello?  

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

4. Let's play with fire, kids! Remember, kids, nothing says "love" like lighting a match, so go play with matches!!

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

3. You missed a spot, bitch Glassy-eyed automatons scrubbing your car in the aching hope that some dude will take notice of you? He's hanging out with the cheerleaders, baby.

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

2. And a happy passive-aggressive Valentine's Day to you, too No one loves me, but there's a hobo named Fuzzy Worms in the garden who likes me!!

11 Vintage Valentine's Day Cards and Why They Are Really Creepy

1. Something's off here Ah yes: The old A-A-B-C-D-E-F rhyme scheme. Works like a charm every time!


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