NFL training camp will be underway in a couple weeks, which means that 2015 Fantasy Crime season is winding down. It would appear that the moniker "black and blue division" for the NFC North is taking on a whole new meaning this summer, with the Detroit Lions (on the strength of one man criminal wrecking crew Rodney Austin) and the Green Bay Packers (up until this weekend, on the strength of one man criminal whirlwind Leroy Guion) duking it out for top honors!
It's clear that Guion needs help holding up the Packers end of the bargain and this past weekend, on the 239th birthday of our country, he got help from teammate Andrew Quarless, who did the most "NFL Crime" thing ever by getting hit with a gun charge in Miami on a holiday weekend. "Gun charge in Miami on a holiday weekend" is the "fullback up the middle" of NFL crime!
Actually, Quarless himself is a tight end, so we will just call it the "tight end up the seam" of NFL crime. Here are the details, which (SPOILER ALERT!) include the lamest game of "hide and seek" ever played by an adult:
According to a police report released to our sister paper Miami New Times, a parking attendant near Lenox Avenue and Fifth Street witnessed the dispute between Quarless and a car full of women. The attendant also witnessed the gunshots, and called Miami Beach PD.
According to the report, Quarless, along with another man (identified as Michael Ritchie, 31, of New York), were leaving the parking garage in a black Porsche early Saturday morning and drove up alongside the carload of women. One thing led to another, and an argument escalated in which the attendant heard the women scream at Quarless, "No! Get away! Leave me alone!"
Well, Quarless did not acquiesce. Instead, he took out his semiautomatic, .45 caliber handgun and fired two shots, including one straight into the sky. When police later interviewed a woman who was in Quarless' car, she claimed Quarless fired the weapon "in an attempt to emphasize his dominance and manhood." (Because having a gun makes you big and strong, or something.)
After the 911 call from the parking attendant, police found the black Porsche a few blocks away, and Quarless himself was found in front of the Siena Tavern — not just in front of the tavern, but "attempting to conceal himself and a black firearm in a nearby plant." Police recovered the gun from the potted plant and matched the rounds found on the ground near the garage with the gun. Apparently, Quarless' dominance and manhood does not extend to his abilities to play the child's game "hide and seek." That's unfortunate.
Quarless was arrested on a misdemeanor count of firing a firearm in public and taken to Turner Knight Guilford Correctional Center for processing. Just a few weeks remaining in the Fantasy Crime Season, let's see if anyone can make a late run! Here are the standings…..
FANTASY CRIME LEAGUE STANDINGS
DETROIT LIONS .. 10 points
* 4/17/15: Lions OL Rodney Austin is arrested for assault on a female, assault on a child under 12, interference with emergency communications, and misdemeanor larceny (assuming three felonies and one misdemeanor here)
GREEN BAY PACKERS .. 7 points
* 2/3/15: Packers DT Letroy Guion is arrested for felony possession of marijuana and felony possession of a firearm.
* 7/4/15: Packers TE Andrew Quarless is arrested for firing his gun twice in public (misdemeanor).
BALTIMORE RAVENS .. 6 points
* 3/1/15: Ravens DB Victor Hampton is arrested for DWI.
* 3/18/15: Ravens RB Bernard Pierce is arrested for DUI.
ATLANTA FALCONS .. 3 points
* 5/29/15: Falcons LB Prince Shembo is arrested for felony animal cruelty.
CHICAGO BEARS .. 3 points
* 5/25/15: Bears DL Ray McDonald reportedly is arrested on charges of domestic violence.
DENVER BRONCOS .. 3 points
* 6/3/15: Broncos administrative employee John Bowlen is arrested on domestic violence charges.
SAN FRANCISCO 49ers .. 3 points
* 3/5/15: 49ers FB Bruce Miller is arrested for spousal battery.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS ... 2 points
* 2/3/15: Colts LB D'Qwell Jackson is arrested for assault.
* 2/5/15: Colts RB Ahmad Bradshaw is charged with marijuana possession.
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HOUSTON TEXANS .. 1 point
* 7/1/15: Texans DL Brandon Ivory is arrested for first-degree burglary.
DALLAS COWBOYS ... 1 point
* 2/3/15: Cowboys RB Joseph Randle is cited for marijuana (unclear if it's a misdemeanor or just a citation, so FCL scoring is pending)
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS .. 1 point
* 3/29/15: Saints CB Brian Dixon is arrested for resisting arrest without violence.
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