25 Positive Statements About the Houston Astros
I'm positive that the Astros would have been better off with these three guys in charge.
1. Courtesy of @AstrosCounty: "I'm positive that this team kind of sucks."
2. Courtesy of @jamesbaily: "I'm positive the 'Stros will lose 100 games."
3. Courtesy of @AstroBrit: "I'm positive that Wandy [Rodriguez] has the NL's best ERA in the past year, and will make the all-star team."
4. Courtesy of @pat_ritcher: "I'm positive that it will be a long time until the Astros are in contention again."
5. Personally, I'm positive that Craig Biggio will make the Hall of Fame.
6. I'm positive that the Astros will have a legitimate general manager next season.
7. I'm positive the team would have been better off if Shawn Chacon would not have been pulled off Ed Wade.
8. I'm positive that no matter what Jeff Keppinger does this season, the Astros, like in the past with Mark Loretta, will continue to look for another second baseman because they're just too damn stupid to know what they're doing.
9. I'm positive that because nobody is going to the games, you can buy really cheap tickets and sneak down into the field boxes around the second inning.
10. I'm positive that Hunter Pence is good.
11. I'm positive that Jim Crane won't be accused of war profiteering when it comes to the Astros.
12. I'm positive that Hunter Pence looks goofy when he runs. Or when he throws the ball. Or when he slides.
I'm positive that Chris Wallace is a potentially good major league catcher.
14. I'm positive an Astros catcher will be in the All-Star game. Of course that catcher is Chris Wallace, and it's a minor league All Star game. But at least the Astros have one catcher in the system who can actually hit.
15. I'm positive the Astros are so bad that even Scott Stapp didn't want to be associated with them.
16. I'm positive that Dave Clark will find any reason possible to hold Michael Bourn and Hunter Pence at third base, but will continue for unknown reasons to try to send Carlos Lee home on anything that isn't a home run.
17. I'm positive that the visiting media will be bitching about the size of the new Minute Maid Park when the Red Sox are in town this weekend.
18. I'm positive that the Phillies are going to try and take advantage of Ed Wade one more time before he's fired at the end of the season.
19. I'm positive that it's not all Brad Arnsberg's fault.
20. I'm positive that Michael Bourn is really, really good.
21. I'm positive that Bill Brown and Jim Deshaies are the best broadcasting team in baseball.
22. I'm positive that Bob Ford is the best PA guy in baseball.
23. I'm positive that the Astros would have been better off if Drayton McLane had listened to Nolan Ryan instead of Tal Smith.
24. I'm positive that I might get violent if Brad Mills continues to play Carlos Lee instead of Jason Bourgeois or Brett Wallace.
25. And to conclude, here's a statement from an anonymous friend: I'm positive that there's nothing positive to say about this team.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- Top 10 Super Bowl One-Hit Wonders (w/ VIDEO)
Sun., Feb. 7, 7:00pm
Wed., Feb. 10, 6:00pm
Sat., Feb. 13, 2:00pm
Wed., Feb. 17, 7:00pm
- Sheriff Hickman Shoots the Messenger, Pushes Back on Chron Jail Series
- Super Bowl 50: Five Best Prop Bets And Prediction