4 Imaginary Figures That Would Have Benefitted Manti Te'o's Career More Than a Fake Girlfriend
When Deadspin broke the story about Notre Dame linebacker and future NFL draft pick Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend, the whole nation was shocked. Many sympathized with him when he lost Lennay Kekua due to leukemia while he continued to play in "her" honor. Since then, he has garnered a large amount of ridicule, luckily not quite to the Lance Armstrong level yet. But why would he create such a story (or, as he says, hoax) ? In truth, there are far more intriguing imaginary characters that could've benefitted his football career more than Kekua did.
Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes series) Being everyone's favorite imaginary tiger (beating out Tony the Tiger), Hobbes would've definitely helped escalate Te'o's odds in winning the Heisman. While we all love him for the awesome adventures that he and Calvin enjoyed, that stuffed tiger was a damn genius. He always knew the right answer. If Te'o had Hobbes around, he probably would have helped advise Te'o on how to better succeed on the field. Oh, and he could have told him that an imaginary girlfriend probably isn't a good idea.
Wilson (Cast Away) One of the greatest human-inanimate object relationships the world has ever seen was in Cast Away between Tom Hanks's Chuck Noland and the volleyball known as Wilson. Wilson was Chuck's good buddy for a long time, conversing with the desperate guy and taking in his every word with a bloody smile. Wilson could have helped drive up Te'o's draft stock just as he helped drive Chuck to make it back to the mainland.
Tyler Durden (Fight Club) Tyler Durden simply doesn't lose. He would do anything it took to win. Also, the ladies loved him (imaginary ones, too). Imagining Durden by Te'o's side is plain scary. He leads by example, and uplifted those around him to strive to be better than they were. With Keuka, Te'o let Alabama drop 42 points on them. Durden would have smacked the crap out of him for even letting such a thought pop into his head.
The Great Gazoo (Flintstones) Let's ignore the fact that his appearance was the death knell to the beloved cartoon and the fact that his antics lead to even more trouble, because even he couldn't cause something as troubling (and comical) as what Te'o is going through now. The green alien could have assisted him with his array of powers, like freezing time during games so he could get some tackles. His magic could also have made him appear during the BCS National Championship.
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